family matters...

Family matters to me.


All of my most treasured memories involve my family.


Whether the times were special because of what we were doing or just because my loved ones were there, I am not sure...perhaps both... but either way, I love to share the experiences of my life with those I hold most precious.


As I have grown, my understanding of family has changed somewhat, and so has the structure. My own family unit changed from a clan of 5 to an intimate 2 when I married my best friend almost 9 years ago.  Over the years, others have married and had kids, adding more brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews... Having more people in my life makes me realise just how great our capacity to love really is.


Yet there is still room in my heart for more.


The desire to add to our little unit of 2 has, over the past while, been met with disappointment, heartache and unfulfilled hope.


We have walked a difficult and tumultuous journey... I know it has been a short one compared to some... but still...


It is a road I would not wish upon anyone... yet it is also a place that I know you don't understand until you have been there. The lessons are hard to learn.


I have learned that the things you always think happen to "someone else" can just as easily happen to you... 


I have learned that despite how much you want or work towards something, there are certain things that are simply out of our control.


I have learned that my timing and my ways are not necessarily God's ways. I have learned to trust Him in spite of the circumstances.


I believe in a God who can do amazing miracles and defy a doctor's report. 
I know that if He wants to do that for us, He will.


However, I also know that He sees a bigger picture... and perhaps... just perhaps, the perfect baby for our family is not one created by us...


I believe adoption is a miracle all on its own.


So... with that in mind, we are moving north to be closer to some of our extended family as we work towards expanding our own. 


Because family matters.


A whole lot.

Also published on my blog

Off the Map

I have pictures, bathed in light, from a land that lies off the map, and after I left, sparkling letters still reached me. They were letters written in such charmingly flawed English that it seemed a crime to correct them, even though the students begged me to.
I hope you are quite well. I am in the very pink of health. I would like to write so many about but my English is very poor. Therefore, may I stop here.
Even though it was some years ago that I visited, I still remember one day in particular. We start the day by squeezing into a Jeep that strains to climb a mountain. We cross wooden plank bridges and pass local people on bicycle and foot, toting burdens on their backs or across their handlebars. Our destination is a community of nuns who runs a distant boarding school high up in the mountain. The purpose of the boarding schools, with their dirt floors and outhouses and lack of electricity, is to provide an education for the most impoverished and isolated children in the rural areas, who might have no access to education otherwise.

“They’ll try to feed us, but I’ll tell them we brought our own food,” our guide tells us. “They are too poor to feed us.”
When we arrive, the nun who welcomes us at the door looks bewildered, and she says something startling.
“I didn’t dream you were coming.”
She notices our confused reaction, and explains. “I always dream when visitors are coming, and we prepare for them. But I didn’t dream about you.” She shakes her head, perplexed, as if her own mystical version of e-mail is growing unreliable.
“I’m glad you didn’t dream we were coming,” our guide chides. “Because then you would have prepared us a meal.”
The nun still proceeds to cut open some fruit for us, and children who attend the boarding school draw us by the hand and lead us down an overgrown path to the outhouse. This school is the most isolated and impoverished place I visit, and the crude bamboo structures and sweet children and hardworking nuns are even more diminished by the soaring mountains and roaring rivers that surround them. Struggling nuns and needy children seem to spring from this wilderness like fragile wildflowers, as unknown to the outside world as they are humble and holy.

On the way down the mountain, the Jeep breaks down three different times. Each time it clanks to a disappointing stop, we pour out onto the road. The final time we emerge, it’s growing dark. We’re on a narrow road in lush forest, and the mosquitoes are starting to hum. A folk remedy for malaria involves scraping the flesh on the neck until raw, red stripes decorate the sufferer’s throat.
“Why do you scrape your throats that way?” I ask.
“The pain of this scraping experience causes you to forget about the fever of malaria,” a student cheerfully explains.

This “remote rural region” is absurdly busy. Passers-by on foot and bike, instead of passing by, stop to inspect our plight. An increasing number of men gather around the Jeep’s engine, poke at it, and make conversation. The women and children gather around us. I can’t understand a word anybody says, but everyone smiles a lot. I have no idea where all these people live, because there is only forest all around. After a while, a man and his elephant walk past. The elephant is draped in chains, and I wonder if it could tow the Jeep. The elephant, though, disappears from sight, heading into the mountains in the gathering gloom. At some point it is agreed that this time, the Jeep is not going to budge. Our journey is stalled.
We are stuck in the mosquito-ridden jungle with our only means of transport a majestic, mournful elephant that is headed in the wrong direction. I’m haunted by the disappearing elephant because I know where he’s going. I’m aching to ride into the mountain darkness, into that nun’s dreams—because anyone can see she dwells with God. As an outsider, with virgin eyes, I saw immediately that this nun was a shining treasure in God’s heart. But the nun and I are separated by an impossible distance—for one thing, I have volunteered to be here. She has not. I’m just flitting through-like a bird, or a bug. She is more like a sheltering tree--this is where she was planted, and this is where she will die. Still, just by passing through this place, I’ve caught a glimpse of God-- the God who dwells on mountaintops with struggling nuns, who dwells with hungry children, who dwells with the abandoned and the forgotten. It’s time to hike out of the jungle, so I turn from the mountains, and we start walking down the road to town. Also posted on Strange Islands

being content in the now...

It doesn't seem all that long ago when, living in Melbourne in the middle of a drought, I had almost forgotten the sound of rain.

Now it seems that rain is a constant companion in this part of the world and liquid sunshine has replaced its warmer, drier counterpart.

Rain. 

So welcome at the end of a long day when one can snuggle a little further under the covers and listen to the calming rhythm of drops on the roof while sleep takes its hold.

But so NOT welcome right now. Everyone is over it. And with good reason, too...the floods further north of here have been nothing short of devastating and our hot Australian summer has been replaced with a soggy, humid season in which plans are cancelled and indoor activity options are exhausted.

The funny thing is, though, that if we weren't complaining about the rain, it would be something else... too hot... too cold... too dry... the list goes on. 

I think the reality is that the weather is kind of like the circumstances of life - they rarely ever feel "perfect".

There always seems to be something we want to change... a season we are ready to say goodbye to or an unfulfilled desire consuming this moment's joy.

The mountain top experiences do not last forever and it is easy to forget to delight in every moment when you are fixated with reaching the next peak.  

I have recently been reminded to make the most of the now. While there are things in the future I am looking forward to, I want to make sure I enjoy this season for what it is and get the most out of it before it is gone.  Obsessing about that which is not my reality right now will only bring discontentment and regret.

God alone is the one who controls the seasons of my life and my desire is to be content in the now. I will choose to seek Him in the times of drought, be refreshed by him in times of rain, cling to Him in the floods, and rejoice with Him from the mountain tops. 

He is a good God who fulfills His promises. I need to enjoy what He has given me for now, while I look forward to what is to come in the future.

I need to throw on my gumboots and go and splash in the puddles!

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Phil 4: 11-13

Also published on my blog

Communion

Inside the altar

of my heart,

I knelt down before him.

My forehead touched his feet,

his hands gently rested

upon my bent back.

Waves of bliss rose,

mingled with tears

of pure joy.

I looked up at him

with misty eyes,

and immersed myself
in the shimmering

ocean

that sparkled within

his radiant eyes.

(Also posted on my blog)

Why you'll find me wearing bike shorts and other weird stuff...

One of my favourite meals to eat out is breakfast. There is nothing more lovely than a pot of hot tea, some scrambled eggs and thick toast that someone else has prepared for me first thing in the morning....sitting with the paper, chatting with hubby or merely watching the world go by... it is truly a delightful way to start the day.

Over the years, whilst partaking in such culinary excursions, I have often seen groups of cyclists that migrate to cafes to socialise and savour a few of the calories they have no doubt just earned themselves.

To be honest, whilst scoffing my own eggs, I never really gave them too much thought, except to wonder why they all get so dressed up in full cycling gear and shoes just so they can go out for a leisurely Saturday morning ride. Why not just throw on some trackies and runners... surely that would be easier? 

Well, I have to confess... I know why they do what they do. 

I am becoming one of them.

A casual cycling invitation from a friend a few weeks back brought about the welcome realisation that riding is something I actually really enjoy and want to do more of. 

It had been at least 10 years since I rode a bike... probably more... but there is some truth to the cliche about getting back on a bike... you don't forget how to ride. What I have learned, though, is that riding for sport is a little different to jumping on the bmx with my brothers or riding a few blocks to get to school. 

There is stuff you really need.

The same stuff I have seen on all the cyclists around town.

Firstly, there is a very compelling rationale behind wearing padded bike shorts. I know they look anything but glamorous (and trust me, they make you feel as though you have a small towel wedged between your legs); however, the repercussions of spending 2 or more hours on a tiny bicycle seat cannot be underestimated. Need I say more?

Secondly, occasionally while riding, you have need of certain things...a chap stick... a tissue, perhaps... and there is nothing more frustrating than having to stop and unload your knapsack every time... thus, a cycling shirt with pockets in the back is really very useful. 

There are also certain obvious necessities... a helmet, a water bottle and somewhere to keep your phone and keys... but honestly, it does not end there.

There are arm warmers, ear warmers, leg warmers, riding glasses, wind jackets, gloves, cycling socks, spare tubes, standing pumps, mini pumps, riding shoes, clips... and a whole bunch of other things I had never even heard of until just a couple of weeks ago.

Despite the fact that some of the products available are definitely optional, they are created to make a cyclist's life more comfortable and to ensure that the ride is as efficient as possible. You can do it the hard way, or you can invest in a few accessories and actually enjoy the ride. I would hazard a guess that not too many keen cyclists can keep up with the long, regular rides without the protective and supportive gear...which is obviously why they all look the part. 

In order to get the full benefit of cycling, I am even considering buying riding shoes and pedals... (the full benefit being the fact that, apparently, riding with shoe clips equates to virtually NO cellulite. I am sold!)

I am going to get myself equipped for cycling.... but, more importantly, I am going to continue to press into the Word of God so that I am equipped for living....there will be hills to climb, valleys to coast down and obstacles to get around... I am going to need all the help I can get!

We are so quick to buy every available addition we can for hobbies and sports and the like, yet we so often attempt to ride through life without all of the accessories and benefits God has made available to us! There are so many promises in God's Word which encourage us and guide our way... He arms us with weapons to fight the enemies in our path and He clothes us in His righteousness. His love covers us and helps us to bounce back when we fall. 

And what is even better..... the beauty of God's equipment is that it doesn't make you look at all daggy or awkward. 

"Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits..." Psalm 103:2

Info Overload!!!!

'Love never fails. But where there are prophesies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge it will pass away.'
1 Corinthians 13:8

Sometimes life can become very confusing!

Knowledge does not set you free, it gives you a headache!

There's an advert for an Internet search engine which shows someone asking for directions. The person starts of normally giving the information, then carries on giving random information in a chaotic way - the mind is in overload!

It is like when you Google something and you are presented with a list of random answers, interesting but not what you where looking for, and very easily distracting from what you where doing.

I love to learn!

My mind craves knowledge, I love History, Math, esoteric knowledge, Religion, culture. You name it I am interested in it. This is not bad in itself but sometimes this can lead you astray from the one simple truth - LOVE!

'Love is patient, Love is kind, It does not envy, It does not boast, It is not proud.' 1 Corinthians 13:4

All the knowledge in the world (and not in the world) is meaningless without Love.

So what do we do with an inquisitive mind?

We learn to see the love in all situations; all learnings; all teachings.

If God is Love, then all that God made is Love!

The equation of Love is in the architecture of Life; each sequence of events can be seen as a Mathematical equation, the answer being - LOVE!

So, when we feel an info overload and we become a little confused;

Stop!
Breath!
Connect back to LOVE!
This is what matters the most.

'And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.' 1 Corinthians 13:13

What is my Purpose?

Yesterday's post was about leaving your life in God's hands. It was about acknowledging that we do not have to worry, because what happens is not really in our hands. We are co-creators, in that we can create our dreams, follow them and succeed in them, but what happens along the way, really, is not possible to fore tell.

It is like finding out what your purpose in life is. Can you really dream your purpose?
Can you follow a dream and think that because you enjoy it it must be your purpose?

It seems that having a purpose in life and finding out what your purpose is in life gets very fuzzy. They are not the same, even if they do overlap.

God/Source/Divine, knows what you where created for, because you were made by God. You can create situations, you can think ideas you can even find purpose in all you create, but how do you know what was God's purpose for creating you?

You can only do this by looking to God.

You do not find out how that builder built that house by asking yourself. You can find out how to build a house by reading books on how to build a house, or attend a course, or even speculate. You need to ask that builder how he built that house and for what purpose.

When you want information about something you go to the SOURCE (God)

So, we have our dreams, we have our patience, our faith, we put in the work and we respect that each venture (dream) is unique and we end up with a reality. Does this give us the purpose we so crave?

It may give you purpose, but are you any nearer to knowing what you are doing here, why you are on this earth?

If it doesn't bother you, then, carry on with your dreams, sow your seeds and wait patiently, believe in yourself using all the ingredients of success at your feet.

If you are not fulfilled with this reality, then you are asking,

'What is my purpose?'

Ask God, ask with an open mind. Forget all you know (for now) about achieving your goals, forget all you have learnt about looking within (for now). Ask God you want to know your purpose.

He may send you the answer with your Angels, you may find out through your soul's chosen spiritual teacher; Jesus, Holy Spirit, Buddha etc. You may find out through your Higher Self.

'Ask, and it shall be given you; seek; and you shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. [Matthew 7:7-8]

Also in my blog

Love vs Control!

When we think of LOVE, we do not associate it with control.

The romantic notion of LOVE conjures an image of two free souls flying in the ethers, oblivious to anybody else. There is psychedelic '70s music playing in the background where everything seems in slow motion. There are sunflowers, warm sun and there are no worries in the world, you're in heaven. (This image is taken from the Movie Forty Year Old Virgin!)

CRASH!!!! Back down to earth!

Once the honey moon period ends which in biological terms means when there has been enough time given so that the human species can reproduce, that 'loving feeling' suddenly disappears and seems a very distant memory.

How long does this lurvvvvve feeling last?

Generalizing now, anything from two months to eighteen months. But this is very general. It depends on external influences.

When the lurvvvve feeling goes, so do the rose tinted glasses. You see your love interest with cynical, even critical eyes. Suddenly your love conquest becomes someone you need to keep down at any cost.

This is not done in an obvious way (unless the individual has extreme trust issues) but little questions (gestapo style) start spilling out of your mouth.

You suddenly feel insecure, and try to recapture that initial loving feeling but cannot, so you rationalize that it's because he/she doesn't love you anymore.

Whereas before, there was not much conversation, for you to notice that you have absolutely nothing in common other than a physical attraction, now it is glaringly obvious that you have nothing in common, not even the physical.

This is where the 'relationship' might end (which realistically is a good idea if you notice there is no hope of your minds ever meeting!)

But, if you are a romantic, insecure, hopeful,or all three then you stick to it and think I will get him/her to love me AGAIN!

It was not LOVE love to begin with it was LUST!!!!!

Any way the control takes over which is of course, born out of fear and insecurities.

Suddenly, all these unspoken demands pop up from nowhere and if they are not psychically known then there are upsets, fights,stomping of the foot and weeping into your best friend's arms (hopefully not a friend of the opposite sex which spells disaster), saying that, you don't know why they've changed!

No, they have not changed, you can now see them as they ARE!!! And they can see you as YOU are!!

Control,is not only about expecting something from another it is also about expectations of situations.

For example, a woman may expect that the natural course of a relationship is to move in have kids(if you haven't had one already) and get married. Or you pretend you don't want to get married but live in fuming hope, becoming resentful each day because you are not being asked to become the wife, where you made it clear when you met that you are a free spirit and don't want to get married....... blah blah blah!

This is where communication needs to be learnt. NoW is when you need to tell each other what you want from each other. The lust stage didn't need you to communicate much as instinct ran most of the show.

Now, is where you tell each other what you want and listen to what the other wants.

'But that's not romantic, if he/she loves me they should know!!!!'

Who says that they should know?

Where do we get these presumptuous ideals?



'Love is patient,
Love is kind.
It does not envy,
It does not boast,
It is not proud.
It is not rude,
It is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
But rejoices in the truth.
It always protects,
Always trusts,
Always hopes,
Always perseveres.'

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7



If we do not LOVE unconditionally, we cannot accept JOY, we cannot give LOVE and JOY!

By releasing control of situations, when it is time to share that LOVE, it will be coming from a pure place of LOVE and not control!

In the blink of an eye

Sometimes it takes extraordinary circumstances to make you truly appreciate the ordinary; the everyday things that we so often take for granted.

Like sight, for example.

Last night I was pottering around the house, doing a bit of pool maintenance and while I was filling a container with caustic cleaning fluid, a drop splashed out of the bucket and straight into my eye.

At that moment, a wave of panic washed over me. As I rushed to the laundry, screamed for help, shot up some urgent, fervent prayers and started to flush my eyes under the tap, it dawned on me just how quickly things can be permanently altered.  All it takes is one slip, one wrong turn, one small accident and life can change forever.

Without my vision, I would never see another sunrise. The absolute delight of that moment when the sky starts to streak with colour would be permanently etched in my memory but would never again be experienced.

Without my vision, I would miss the joy of seeing my family and loved ones grow older. I would miss the cheeky smiles, unsaid words, winks, nods and silent tears I may ordinarily be able to wipe away.

If I was unable to see again, my freedom would be limited. I would never drive again and would be unable to step outside of my home alone.

Without my vision, I would never again be able to read a book; wouldn't be able to relish the moments when I can curl up with a cup of tea and totally immerse myself in a world of fiction. My ability to learn and discover via a trip to Borders would be something I would surely miss.

Without sight, I would feel detached from the world I have come to know as my own. I would be unable to cook, go for long walks, surf the Internet or watch a movie. I wouldn't be able to stand and take in a view, put on my makeup or clean my own house.

If I lost the ability to see, whilst it would certainly not be the end of my life, it would mean a tremendous loss of things I love so much, yet daily take for granted. 

Thanks to a quick reaction on my part, an even quicker jump to action by my beloved, and a prompt, thorough treatment at the local emergency department, I am relieved to report that all is now well with my eye. Whilst it is a little tender and puffy from all of the trauma, I have completely clear vision and no pain or side-effects. The doctor who followed us up this morning said that I was very lucky as alkaline-based products can be far worse and more damaging than acid.

Lucky? I think not. I am blessed to have a God who is looking out for me.

And blessed to have the gift of sight; something I want to appreciate and be thankful for every single day of my life.

Also posted on Write Minded