Tuesday, August 30, 2011

What is your Reality?

It is nearly the end of the month, but more importantly we are approaching the end of the old, the end of all that we have held to be true.

For myself all the old ways of being, thinking, reacting are finding their way to the surface and making their last plea for survival. There are more arguments, more misunderstandings but whereas the people I am involved with who are my greatest teachers,hold on to the interactions as a cause to blame, seek revenge and keep the negativity alive, I know that they are just the last remnants of my old self, being played out.Of course I can quite easily be taken prisoner and stay locked in a prison with my supporting actor, but I have learnt to quickly dismiss this scenario as an illusion and move on, even if my accomplice does not.

What is important to remind yourself at this time is that others are mirroring the last remnants of the old in you and there is no need to do any 'work' on yourself but just release it to allow the new to take hold. The more you are conscious of this the less chance there is to keep re-creating dramas that keep both of you locked in the old.

This is where relationships will either break or become stronger. By releasing all anger and revenge you are free to be all that you were meant to be. This could help to bring a new lightness to a relationship, the other basking in your light, allowing theirs to shine through. Or if the other is just not at that place yet, they will find it increasingly uncomfortable to be in your presence, as you will be a bright reflection of all that they are not and also will on some level know that they need to do the work and they are just not willing to do so.

It will become increasingly difficult for people who have a strong sense of service, who feel they have a mission to save the world. This is not possible anymore for each one of us has been called to make the choice alone. We all have been given free will where we are given the choice of moving to the new where all our creations will find fruition as all is functioning from the heart. Or we can stay where we are in the old functioning in an environment where the energy is of greed, materialism and ego.

People who find themselves torn, wanting to help their loved ones to move on to a place they know exists, will increasingly find they are continuously been disrespected, their creations even though they are heart felt will not take hold in this old energy and will become disillusioned and depressed.

It is a time where we all have to become more 'selfish' not in the sense of greed or manipulation but in self love and to fully acknowledge the saying of 'if you don't love yourself you cannot love anyone else'. Also the saying, 'If you love someone let them go.' We are all here on this planet at this time with our own lessons and agendas. The overall theme is love, but we are not meant to meddle in each others lives, however much our need to help.

Last night I had intense dreams of the end of the old world and the beginning of the new world. I cannot remember the details but I 'know' the overall truth. I also 'saw' my deceased mum in my dream sitting at a stadium wearing a baseball cap, with an intense expression of anticipation on her face. I felt she was watching to see what choices I am going to make, what choices we are going to make. The whole Universe is watching us, we are the highlight of the celestial world at the moment. Our decisions are important to them as we are part of the whole, what we do affects the whole.

We are all being lovingly nudged by our guides which we can 'hear' as our sub-conscious to make choices for our higher good. Again it is our choice if we want to listen. We are also being lovingly supported by our non-physical friends of light. We are not alone, but we do need to make the individual decision of where we want our reality to be.

Much love and compassion

Christina xx

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Look me in the eyes

Photo courtesy of Aglet Photography

Eye contact.  I wrote a short blurb about this in a recent blog post.  I did that because I had had the subject on my mind for several days.  It had me pondering and as I said to another friend, when I start thinking, the inevitable outcome is that I start writing.

We all know the old saying that the eyes are the window to the Soul.  I agree with this 100%.  Each of us is different in the manner that we connect with others.  For some of us, making and maintaining eye contact is simple.  Just something that you do.  For others, it is a challenge, and something to be avoided at all costs.  This is a protective mechanism, and usually happens for good reason.  If you delve deeply enough with those who are careful with making eye contact, you will find a lot of trust issues beneath the surface, married to a lot of painful experiences.

I think everyone has heard the old axiom that "the eyes are the window to the soul".  Most of us will agree that people who don't make significant eye contact impart a less than trustworthy vibe.  This is a snap judgment, of course, and may be an unfair one, depending upon the situation and the individual.

For me, eye contact is important.  In every relationship that I have, I want that strong connection to be there.  Friendship, family, business connections, as well as more intimate relationships - all need to have that level of connection, trust and the sense that you are being seen, being heard, and being embraced.

Gazing wordlessly into one another's eyes.  That is profound.  The wordless part is usually what causes people to become skittish and glance away.  When you meet a person who doesn't do this, who engages in that gaze without flinching, this is an incredible moment.  Thoughts wash through the mind, emotions are triggered, and a sense of being the very center of that person's immediate world exists.  Pretty powerful stuff!  This creates a level of willing, intentional vulnerability, meaning that you allow yourself to become vulnerable in that moment and with that other person. It also creates a bond, that wordless moment, that is indefinable.  And really, definitions aren't always necessary.

That experience, that wordless gaze, is a microcosmic moment that doesn't require anything else.  Fleeting, yes.  But with lasting impact.  Moments such as these can be a catalyst.  From one moment to the next, the world changes. Perhaps not in an earth shaking, cataclysmic manner, but change does occur.  And thinking follows.  Pondering, absorbing, reflecting.  All from one long, quiet shared look between two sets of eyes.

We each have those experiences that we remember as being a turning point.  Something occurred to stop time, briefly, with enough dramatic force that you felt the shift as a tangible instant.  Your own personal earthquake, where those emotional tectonic plates were rearranged, permanently.  From a glance, you ask?  Yes, for me, from a glance.  Well, a look is more to the point, as a glance is of short duration.  Maybe a new word needs to be created for that long, steady, quiet, powerful exchange.  "Staring" doesn't fit, as it robs the experience of depth and warmth.

Whatever label you choose to apply, there is great value in giving yourself to such a moment.  Looking into another person's eyes for long, long moments with no words, no nerves, no agenda, and no reserve is profound.

This was the thought in my last Grasshopper Thoughts post (Grasshopper Thoughts, Vol. V, August 2011) that prompted this blog article:

Look me in the eyes when we're together.  During conversation, during quiet moments, just a glance is sometimes enough; other times, a long and meaningful moment is profound....show me who you are in this way, and I will do the same. - SDS, August 2011
If you enjoyed this post and would like to read more, you can find me at Healing Morning blog.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Find Truth through LOVE!

About a year ago I was told by a fellow blogger to search for what I believe and to stop using other's opinions, quotes, theories etc. I love to read what other people have to say on matters that are important to me. I even admit that their opinions may have helped to develop most of my beliefs.

I have been feeling very restless these past few days. I am very conscious of Moon energies and a New Moon is approaching on ther 28th August. I also 'know' that there are many planetary events taking place in the heavens and even today there are reports of a 'new' planet being discovered made out of diamonds.

I am becoming bombarded by lots of conflicting messages; I am on the one hand reading and channelling angelic, loving energies of having faith and having trust in all happening in Divine perfect order. On the other hand I am reading about the Illuminati- the people in higher places (I suggest you do your own research on this) trying to create a New World Order and creating situations (illusions) in order to keep us from seeing the truth.

What is the truth?

My son came to visit from Cyprus and we had a wonderful 3 weeks together. He is 20 years old and into Christianity. He is not following any particular church but is leaning to the side of everything that is not through Jesus Christ is heresy. Since I have more open minded views he 'lovingly' sees me as a lost soul taken over by the dark side.

We had a couple of 'loving' chats about love, life and peace and I felt I conveyed that where he believes Jesus is God incarnate on Earth to show us how much he loves us, I believe that Christ is a consciousness. I expressed that the Jesus story, whether real in historical fact, is not an issue for me as I believe that it is an allegory about spreading the Light of God, and Jesus is the pure example of this Light.

Of course this became more than a loving chat and we both found ourselves defending our beliefs. I ended the conversation saying that I believe there is One Truth and many ways to this. He replied, 'How do you know? How do you know if you do not have Jesus Christ in your life?'

I replied telling him I have Christ in my heart as we all do, it is the process of opening the heart that helps us to the TRUTH.

I have been ploughing the Internet today and yesterday looking for the TRUTH of what is happening to our planet and the cosmos and to us. I found lots of information, but for some reason I could not read any of it - either it was too scientific, too metaphysical, or too alien- like.

I realised that we need to look for the answers ourselves. The TRUTH is within us, it is in all we are doing, all that we are thinking, all that we are feeling. If I think a certain way this creates a certain truth for me. If I feel a certain way this is an indication of how I have been thinking. If I am doing something that is not in par with who I am, how I feel and how I think, then I am further from the TRUTH.

Keep it simple: Think with love, feel the love and do with love - anything else is less than the TRUTH!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

The First Kiss

The faint smell of damp casually assaults my sinuses as the hard steps make their presence felt on my aching backside.

Neither of these things matter.

The aged stuffiness of the old Theatre in which we sit, and the noise of the kids running about, excitedly bouncing around on the threadbare carpets only add to the excitement of the moment; nothing can take my concentration away from the significance of what I was about to do.


I can hear the muffled sounds of singing. I know they are singing for me. Everything is about me. This moment will travel with me for the rest of my life, having set the wheels in motion for the rollercoaster that my soul will ride upon forever more.

We are in the middle of rehearsing one last time, for the big show that is due to open tomorrow night.

I’m nervous as hell, but really excited about being a part of this year’s Gang Show, a vaudeville style production, traditionally put on by kids from the local Cubs, Brownies and Guides, as well as my Scout troop. I’ve even got a couple of speaking parts and I can’t wait to get the show started.

I am 12, and I feel like I was born for the stage. I am one night away from stardom, and ready for the fame. I already dance at my Cousin’s dance school, so I felt at ease as soon as we began transferring our rehearsals to the actual stage. As long as nothing comes along and distracts me now, I know I will be a huge name in musicals one day.

What my acting career probably doesn’t need is a distraction such as sitting on these steps right now, holding Karen’s hand and looking into her eyes.

As the rehearsals progressed, I became increasingly friendly with Karen. I’d found myself wanting to spend more time hanging around with her than fighting and playing with my male friends, though I wasn’t really sure why. Then, earlier on today, she held my hand.

Right there in the Wings, as we waited for the next song to start.

And now we are wordlessly sitting on these hard damp stairs, backstage at the Newark Palace Theatre.

Suddenly, her face grew closer.

The hairs on the back of my neck tingle and stretch, as time adamantly refuses to tick by.

Her face grew closer.

My knee trembles as fear explodes through my nervous system.

Her face grew closer.

I stop breathing, I stop hearing. I am no longer here. The singing, the children’s chatter, and even the damp have all gone. I am nowhere.

Her face stops moving.

Somewhere, deep down in my genetic coding, I know it is all up to me from here, I am the man and the next move will have to come from me. I am going to have to man up and get on with it.

Right now.

Right here.

I am going to have to kiss a girl.

I pause as I recall the bag of pickled onion Monster Munch I ate earlier, but it is too late to worry about that now, because the fracture in time is about to heal itself. I can put it off no longer. I’ve learned all that I can possibly learn from my friends about kissing; now I’m going to have to put it all into practise.

My eyes close as my lips part and move, with a false confidence, toward hers.

The softness of her lips can only be bettered by their taste. I explode with the power of this brand new connection that links Karen’s heart to my own.

I am distracted. The world blinks out of focus for an eternity as the software in my brain rewrites itself. With its return, a new world order is born. My priorities have changed forever, because I have just learned something that will dominate my every thought for the rest of time.

I’ve finally worked out what girls are for.

Also posted at www.realbloggersunited.blogspot.com by me, because I can

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Coming up for air

So I go back and look over my various blogs, writing commitments, etc. and realize it has been months since I wrote much of anything publicly.  A lot of that that time was spent on Facebook, and some of you may have noticed that I recently deleted my account.  The reasons why are perhaps hard to explain clearly, but I'll do my best.

Over the past decade I had allowed my community to become mostly virtual.  This was the result of a lot of things, both circumstantial and through my own actions.  The shape of my social life had become very narrow and isolated.  Then when "real life" impinged upon my routine I realized that I needed some real life connection, and that my digital family was dangerously ephemeral.  Nothing personal against you, if this includes you - just that I needed to reach out to people I could actually feel, see, and hear.  I had been a political/social/pop culture blog junkie through the oughties, and gone more or less cold turkey to save my sanity; I realized I was repeating the same problem with Facebook, and had to cut myself off.

I currently live in a rural area where my main social interaction is limited to immediate family and longtime family friends.  I still write but am in something of a state of hibernation -- I think that the habit of putting everything out there straight from the skull without any editing is not always productive.  Sometimes you have to refine your thinking in solitude, so that when you are finally ready to say something you are delivering the best you have to offer, and aren't burdening your readers with filtering your output.  If you make a habit of delivering quantity over quality, your readers are liable to ta ke you for granted.  That is assuming you have any.

About once a week I head back into the city to hang out with my daughter.  That part is great, but I am constantly reinforced in my dislike of city life.  Maybe I'll go back to that kind of living  eventually, but at the moment it doesn't seem appealing -- the high stress, high stakes, dehumanizing, brutal crush and thrust of it all.  Out here, even the most important tasks get done when they get done; the main urgency is to live and be a human being.  What other value is there?  We walk slower here, talk slower here, think slower, make eye contact, eat together, laugh together...ironically with so much solitude available we are seldom alone.  People are not as numb to one another out here.  Sometimes they even talk to strangers.

standing in our own sunshine...

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I stumbled across this quote today and it shot right through my brain... such a simple phrase of words, but they carry such weight and substance... who of us hasn't cast a shadow on our own life by standing in our own sunshine, blocking out the sparkle of our being and accomplishments... how quickly we are taught to take the shine off so as to not stand out too brightly against the rest of the pack... perhaps it was the words of a parent who crippled our ability to take center stage by casting doubt on our own skills... maybe the harsh words of a critic after a performance... the sting of a review after a heart based piece of prose was written... why do we never allow ourselves to be enough, even when we know we are enough...
our foundations are built and sunk into bedrock able to withstand any storm that encompasses us... foundations unshakable in the midst of life's chaotic tide... stronger than steel and more solid than bedrock.. but it takes one external voice, one opinion that what we have done is less than it could be, for those foundations to be wrenched from their moorings and leave us broken and hiding in the shadows...
why do we not grasp that what we are capable of and what we put forth is valuable
because we took the chance to dream...

natural progression of skill notwithstanding, our projects, our endeavors, our lives are valuable just as they are, because we are valuable... if we take the time to create, if we nurture, if we write or sing or paint, who is to say what we have done is less than... every brush stroke, every word written, every child nurtured, is by it's very action, blessed and holy in itself, worthy of praise and celebration...

would we stand at the shore and say that the tide should ebb and flow more smoothly, do we face the starry sky and request they be presented more orderly, do we critique the flight of the Eagle as inferior...

we routinely create and cast the shadows over our own abilities, dulling them down, pushing away the accolades of a job well done, leaving ourselves devoid of the joy of self and wholeness...
we need to remove the ability to discredit our own worth, and I know this is a difficult road to walk... perhaps the weight of abuse or neglect hangs heavy in our hearts, perhaps it is a long passed decision or mistake that haunts our thoughts, possibly a shouldering of regret at what could have or should have been.. if only... lay down the weight, and run free of the entanglements of this world, for moments past can never be undone and thus need to be filed away so as to serve only as a guide for the next mountain in our path...
let our new mantra be one of worthiness and character, competence and acceptance...

strip away the coverings and allow your true glowing colours to burst forth...
stop casting your own shadows, step forward and allow all the brilliance of who you are
to shine brighter than the rays of the sun...

embrace what you have created, embrace what you are capable of and
never let this gift be tarnished by any outside perspective...
we are glorious by the nature that we exist, whole and perfect and extraordinary...
refuse to be held back by yourself or anyone else, you deserve that much for your soul..
let those shadows cast before dissolve into completeness and perfection,
for this is how you were made... this is your right and your intention...

Wednesday, August 17, 2011



to some a nasty word... leading to a shift of comfort zone, the requirement to learn something new, a stirring up of the status quo...
to some a word filled with hope, looking forward to different circumstances which may be better than the current one...
to some a chance to grow and stretch, to move out of ones safety zone and embrace the future... change = opportunity...

for a great number of us, change equals resistance or a "heels dug in firmly in refusal" to shift out of the current and into something unknown... some of us hold so tightly to where we are, that nothing can dynamite us forward, thus losing the opportunities that this forward movement brings into our lives... stuck by fear, by indecision, or even by the "well we have always done it this way" mentality, so robs us of experiences that can and should enrich our lives... change = fear...

it seems that nothing ever stays the same.. a drive down the street reveals an empty lot where a building stood just 24 hours earlier... a turn at the next corner shows a new condo development... the world economy on it's roller coaster ride... the fast pace of technology where your newest toy is old by tomorrow... right down to the look of your Blog page... always refreshing, changing it up, keeping it fresh, keeping it new...
I think they need to update (change) that old saying that there are only 2 things in this life that are guaranteed, Death and Taxes.. well how about adding "Change" to that list...

I am always fascinated by people's reaction to moving forward and making changes... hell it feels like you fall off the grid if you don't keep up with it all these days... but why do some of us resist change so ferociously... especially when making those adjustments is for the good... I myself can count numerous times when I have also, bucked the changes, refused to get in line... soon enough to be standing on my own as the rest of the crowd moves off into the distance... don't get me wrong, I have no issues with swimming my own stream, but what holds me back, what locks my feet into inaction...

I know that I am getting better at looking at the big picture and basing my willingness to change on that, rather than a knee jerk immediate rebuff and steadfast resistance... is it wisdom, is it an eagerness to stretch and gather in all the experiences this life has to offer, even if that means stepping out into the unknown?

Am I shedding my fears and replacing that with something deeper, a sense of being strong enough and able to take on what comes at me, dealing with the off chance that some obstacles will need to be overcome along the way.

Ultimately, with whatever accompanies the waves of changes that wash over our lives, it is still a journey of discovery, that chance to learn and listen, teach and speak of our experiences with one another... a movement of ideas, of physical location, of spiritual practice and of new thoughts embraced...

open the door to something different, analyze and dissect, teach yourself something new and become changed in the process...

other posts can be found at my Blog Current Ripple  http://currentripple.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Mirrored affirmation

Photo:  www.invitinghome.com

I have a dear friend that I think I have loved more moments than I can count through the mists of time.  We don't often get the chance to spend large blocks of time together these days, as life is hectic and family, work and responsibilities cut into leisure time.  This week, we were lucky to connect and spend a good portion of a whole day together and it was just sublime.

This girl is someone that I trust implicitly.  She's a true heart friend in those indefinable ways that build a solid friendship. We've found over the years that we either tend to mirror experiences in our respective lives, or one of us is just completing a cycling of an experience that the other is just embarking upon.  In this way, this reflection provides guidance and a sounding board for both of us, when we have sufficient time to spend together and really get caught up.

Our recent afternoon and evening was that proverbial breath of fresh air for me.  We played, which is always good for the Soul.  We saw a theatrical production that some friends both acted in and directed, then we had a late meal and stayed downtown to watch another theatrical production on Knoxville's Market Square.  In between all of this, we shared what we had both been doing since we were last together.  Much time had passed since then, so there was a great deal to cover, and cover it, we did.

She is in a truly good place in her life.  Settled, with someone she loves, her work life is growing and prospering and she carries that special glow that one does when everything is falling into place in Divine Order. Knowing her as I do, I was so happy to see her this happy, calm and peaceful....both inside and out.

The even greater beauty of it all was that she became a mirror for me.  This time, she is finishing this particular cycle....or rather, she is sojourning it....ahead of me.  Listening to her words and description of the steps, the decisions, the emotional healing she processed to get herself to that higher, more level place of allowing....it gave me that mirror.  That road map or template of sorts.  Because I am not that far behind her on a similar path, everything she was sharing was resonating brightly for me.  I could see the logical steps she had taken, hear the wisdom in her choices and actions, and absorb the clear outcome.  She is happy.

This reflection she gave me instilled hope in a new way for me.  Mind you, it is never difficult for me to focus on positives.  I tend to be a fairly sunny natured individual, and prefer to focus on those good, happy, uplifting moments.  That being said, I flounder like everyone else when it comes to personal dreams, hopes and wishes.  We are all so adept at getting in our own way for these goals, and I am no different.  I do have conscious intent, however, to be fully, mindfully engaged in my own growth.  What a lovely thing when I am given a gift of recognizing that this growth need not be so onerous, challenging or difficult!

Spending time with someone that I truly love and enjoy was the first gift.  Nothing polishes up the heart more than that type of interaction, basking in the sheer enjoyment of someone dear to you.  The second gift was being shown that reflection....that example that, "Look, this is how I did it, and it worked out beautifully."  Sometimes the strongest lessons don't have to be imparted through bloody struggle and painful experiences. They can be, but I don't think it's necessary 100% of the time.  What can be better than to witness someone a few steps ahead of you on a similar path, charting and negotiating their journey with determination, conscious application of intent and relative ease so that you may mirror their actions and experience a similar manifestation of ease?

Mirrors reflect.  That is their purpose.  We can choose to see through a warped lens and intentionally misread that reflection, or we can choose to gaze with clear eyes at the image.  That's my choice, gazing clearly, and engaging with purpose.  And the best part of this conscious process is that a day spent with someone I love gave me a mirrored confirmation and affirmation for where my own life is heading.  In her happiness, I see a reflection of possibilities, and I embrace them.
If you enjoyed this post and would like to read more, you can find me at Healing Morning blog.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

What is happening in the UK?

What is happening in the UK?
Watching the news today and yesterday I am very sadened at what is happening with our youth. They are looting, setting businesses and homes on fire, assaulting others and having total disregard for authority or others. It was quite frightening today when I was parked in Bearwood High Street in Birmingham. All the shops where shutting down, on advice from the police. I felt the fear thick in the air.

I have been more sadened by the response from people though. Yes, these young people are totally out of order, they are abusing and violating laws and boundaries and it must be very frightening and devastating for the people who have lost through these riots. But, what saddens me the most is how people write off these youths as 'ferral', 'vermin'.

I replied to a facebook comment that suggested that these young people needed a good smack to learn respect. I responded that they would not learn respect from a smack and maybe the youth were reflecting a general unrest in all mankind and through their actions, however wrong, were gaining public airing for something to be done about it. The response I received showed me that people have a lot to say about wrong doing, giving themselves as examples of good behaviour, but are not willing to be a part in the promoting of the peace.

What do I think is happening in the bigger scheme of things?

There is a lot of cosmic energy aiding the moving forward of our new world. Whatever does not match the new has to go. Unfortunately, this comes out in chaos, destruction and loss. There has to be a clean slate for the light to take hold.

Why the young?

The young are the ones that will lead the new world. They are embodying more light but darkness hangs around waiting to embody what matches it. Unfortunately, there is so much that matches it in what the young watch, play and do, that this causes alot of collision.

If more people could hold on to the end result, i.e. the progressing into the light, without getting too involved in the drama (difficult if the riots directly affect you) then big change can happen quickly with not too much heartache. But on saying that heartache can be another catalyst in pulling people together. The world has its eyes on the UK at the moment and feels our pain.

It will be interesting to see what comes out of this - unity or more separation?

Monday, August 8, 2011

Partly Sleeping

Photo - www.senlfy.deviantart.com
Have you ever had the sense that after some unexpected experience hits your personal horizon, you look back and realize that part of you had been sleeping up until that moment?  I have reflected on this for years.  It has happened to me countless times and never fails to capture my attention with each new occurrence.

A simple analogy would be when you buy a new car and suddenly you see that same model, same color car everywhere you go.  Prior to purchasing that new vehicle, you never before noticed so many of the same car everywhere you traveled.  Your eyes and your consciousness have been newly awakened to that recognition, where before, part of you had been sleeping. 

This holds true with endless layers of who we are, where our lives are heading, where we have been.  When a new person comes into our lives, and love occurs, we are stunned that we lived our whole lives without that love up until that meeting. This applies to friendship, to family and to intimate love, as well as to new experiences, studies, dreams, etc.  It is almost beyond acceptance, once the love is realized, to ken how we survived without it for so long.  Our heart was partly sleeping, waiting for that arrival of that person or that experience to wake up that spot that was reserved exclusively for them/it.

Talents lie partly sleeping also.  Sometimes they awaken with a jarring crash, startling us with the all consuming need to dive in and embrace the newness, turn it in our hands and make a mark on the world with it.  Other times, those talents are merely dormant, waiting for occasional awakening.  This happens for me with various artistic endeavors.  I can go for months at a time without any need to be creative beyond my daily writing.  Then something happens to awaken the partly sleeping Muse and I hit a frenzy of creativity, producing a wide range of artistic expressions. 

To me, it is an endless joy to discover something new to love....about myself, and about the people around me.  Relationships are rarely static, and even in strife, we learn and grow.  Areas that had been partly sleeping within the context of relationships are regularly nudged awake.  We are never truly allowed to rest smugly on our laurels in that regard, and I see that as a positive.  Complacency hasn't ever been a behavior that I embrace.  I tend to be very active about communication so that all parties concerned can be clear and present with one another.  I fail at this, sometimes rather spectacularly, but the intent is always to be present and aware.  Because of this, I find that I am also equally aware when an area that had been partly sleeping suddenly awakens.  For me, it is a tangible thing, something I can physically sense and feel stirring.  I do my best to pay attention to that stirring, so that I recognize it for what it is.  It's when I ignore the sensation that I tend to bump my toes a wee bit, so I do my best to be mindful.

Recently, in perhaps the past six months, I've had a whole slew of partly sleeping areas come to full wakefulness.  These awakenings have spanned a wide range of experiences and relationships, some providing challenges to overcome, and all of them broadening my sense of Self and growing those newly awakened spots in my heart.  I have a fanciful image in my mind's eye of early morning hush coming softly awake, birds beginning to chirp, dew glistening on grass, trees and flowers in a private meadow that exists uniquely for my Soul to process these occurrences.  Oddly, this same meadow is a place I visit when I meditate, so who is to say it doesn't exist in some metaphysical manner.  The awakening of partly sleeping facets is the important thing to experience, to be aware of as it occurs.  I've never been a proponent of walking through life in an unconscious manner, so this awakening process is one that I enjoy.  I learn so much about myself as a result.  I've spoken about that endless refining of Self, of Soul, that we do on a daily basis.  The concept I am speaking of here, of "partly sleeping" is just a metaphor for that daily growth we all experience. 

The world is largely expansive, rather than contractive, and so are we as people.  We are here to grow and learn, to push boundaries and embrace new experiences.  With that in mind, I imagine that we are gifted with endless ability to expand as yet unknown partly sleeping facets.  Traits, experiences, thoughts, loves and more.  It is a satisfying thought to me, because it means we are never truly finished.  We never learn it all, never experience it all....and at the heart of this thought is Love. 

Through the waxing and waning, the ebb and flow of every experience, Love is the vital force at work.  Sometimes it lies sleeping for years before the awakening occurs, but that space for that particular love...be it a person, a place or an experience...that space was always there, inside us, waiting for that awakening.  We drift from one awakening to the next, continually learning.  And the beauty is that there will always be another moment when something that was partly sleeping is nudged, gently or urgently, to come alive and take full occupancy of that space in our hearts. I just really like that.
If you enjoyed this post and would like to read more, you can find me at Healing Morning blog.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

of white roses...

her gown, soft and snowy white against a curtain of green, 
a cascade of petals shimmering in the summer rays like layers of petticoats, 
the soft gentle scent of her perfume wafts on the current, greeting those who stop to greet her... 
like an old friend she is there to welcome them with an upturned smile...

his embrace encompasses her in one quick moment, a return of a summer friend, 
her dance partner, her suitor... she is happy and begins to sway in his gentle grasp... 
two unlikely partners 
lost in the magic of meeting again...

he takes her hand, and they being their dance again, moving to and fro with no regard for who is watching them, they resume their dance as they have done across the years together, 
he softly guiding her into a waltz of gentle affection... 
she nods, they sway and lose themselves in each other for this graceful moment... of white roses...

Friday, August 5, 2011

Grasshopper Thoughts, Vol. V, August 2011

I haven't grasshoppered in a while.  I never know when the urge will hit me, and today was the day.  I find this exercise to be useful when my head....my life, for that matter....is too jumbled up with stress to allow me to focus on one specific topic.  This allows me to skitter about, skim from one thought to the next and do some mental house cleaning.  So, here are the grasshopper thoughts that struck today.

When I breathe from my heart, it is never a mistake.

Sometimes the simple act of that breathing from the heart is the most challenging thing on earth to do.  I still do it.

Locking the car w/ the keys in the ignition and my purse and cell phone still inside the car is going to happen occasionally.  I look at it as a reminder to slow down.  Usually that happens after I throw a bit of a conniption.

I can love someone sincerely, but also not like who they are.  The two are not mutually exclusive and both teach me acceptance….of myself and that other person.

The art of kissing should never be underestimated; view it instead as profoundly valuable.  Seriously.

Banana flavored popsicles might be bad for you because of all the sugar, but they sure bring a smile.

When I was wee, my Grandpa assured me that fairies lived where wisteria bloomed.  To this day, I still believe, and I still glance about on occasion to search them out.

I have accepted that having a poor sense of direction doesn’t make the world stop turning.

Look me in the eyes when we’re together.  During conversation, during quiet moments, just a glance is sometimes enough, other times, a long and meaningful moment is profound….show me who you are in this way, and I will do the same.
Embracing manners will always matter to me.  Call it old fashioned, but I find it a beautiful expression of respect and, to me, it is worthy of continuing.    
I will never understand the concept of curling as a sport.  I get that it's a venerable sport, with rich history and culture behind it.  I'll even watch it during the Olympics (because I watch everything during the Olympics), but I remain mystified.
Sometimes blackberries make the world a better place.  It’s that simple.

Those are my grasshopper thoughts for the day.  There are more, of course.....always.  That's the nature of grasshopper thoughts.  They're always lurking and leaping about.  These are the ones I managed to corral and wrestle onto the screen.  
If you enjoyed this post and would like to read more, you can find me at Healing Morning blog.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Journey to Joplin

I started blogging by writing about a pilgrimage to a monastery, but recently I made a pilgrimage of a different kind to the town where I was born--Joplin, Missouri. I had already bought my ticket to Joplin for a 4th of July family reunion before the May 22nd tornado. My parents, as well as numerous aunts, uncles, and cousins, live in or near Joplin. I flew in at dusk and I picked out with relative ease the bright, busy lights at the intersection of Range Line and I-44, and I could see the twinkling lights and tree-covered streets of Joplin as we flew over. It was also easy to spot a wide brown scar cutting through the heart of Joplin which had no lights, no trees, no greenery. The F-5 tornado had carved a six-mile-long path of destruction, at times almost a mile wide, which left more than 150 people dead, 7,000 homes destroyed, and 18,000 cars totaled.
But if the aerial view was astonishing, the view on the ground was shocking. Standing at ground zero—say, at 20th and Connecticut, or near St. Mary’s Catholic Church, or across from Joplin High School—it looked like a bomb had exploded from horizon to horizon, as far as the eye could see. There actually was a “ground zero” since many survivors described the eye of the storm passing over them, an eerie calm both preceded and followed by deadly 200 mph winds.
When I reached my parents’ house, I sifted through issues of The Joplin Globe that my mom had saved, which included the photographs of all those who had died: The three men with Down Syndrome-- who lived in a group home and died there together--Mark Farmer, Rick Fox, and Tripp Miller. A friend of Mark’s wrote that he rejoiced “in 1 Corinthians 13:10 as they now have perfect bodies.” http://www.neoshodailynews.com/joplin-tornado/x1534029702/Neosho-family-survives-Joplin-tornado-in-car
Will Norton, a teenager who had just left his high school graduation and was sucked out of his car. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVSeptS3kec His sister shared that it would only be a short time until Will saw them again because life is so short and “time goes fast in heaven.” Rusty Howard, who was found in Home Depot holding his five-year-old daughter and two-year-old son in his arms. The Pizza Hut manager, Christopher Lucas, who led everyone to safety in a walk-in freezer and struggled to hold the door shut before he died. Another father of two, Randy England, who had been laid off from the La-Z-Boy Factory in November which was, his wife said, a blessing in disguise because he had spent the remaining time with his family. He also was leading a mother and children to safety in Home Depot when he was killed. There are many stories of people who died while sacrificing themselves for others, and many more stories of those who came to the rescue of those who were trapped and injured.
While volunteering at Forest Park Baptist Church, I met the grandmother of two children who died. She told me she had received a phone call soon after the tornado struck from her daughter and son-in-law informing her that one of her grandchildren was dead, and the other was “going fast.” She told me the family had good moments and bad moments, but prayer was getting her through. “I pray all the time,” she said. “It’s all God.”
Two other children were in the car with their grandmother in the parking lot of Home Depot when the tornado struck. The grandmother told the children to start praying, and ten-year-old Mason Lillard was comforted by the angels she said she could see. Mason was pierced by an iron bar but survived.
Harmony Heights Baptist Church across from Joplin High School was holding its Sunday evening service when the tornado struck. Three members were killed, while the other fifty or so members were trapped in the debris. A group of young people arrived on the scene soon after and began pulling the members from the rubble. On a Harmony Heights Baptist Church newsletter is the following:
Devotion for the morning of May 22
Jeremiah 17:17 Do not be a terror to me; you are my refuge in the day of disaster. “Thou art my HOPE in the day of evil.”
Also posted on Strange Islands

In Hindsight

I realize the effort to defend my ego is a lot bigger than the effort to simply keep quiet. I also find that in either case, I can be equally incorrect.

I have found that when in my younger years, if someone said, “Here, try this”–and it was not a yummy treat, it probably was not in my best interest.

Every challenge always pays off– Always. You just have to realize that in hindsight.

The things I thought made me feel cool then, often make me feel silly now.

I would have never gotten that perm if I could have seen my senior picture beforehand. (See previous.)

Some of your best friendships do not end–they go into hibernation.

Whatever people feel they need to take drugs for can be achieved without them.

The best title I have ever held is “Daddy.” (And that it took my wife to achieve this title–and still does.)

Upon reflection, when we say we were “born this way”– that should only pertain to the good stuff. The rest we learned.

Being a loser is someone else’s opinion that I do not have to agree with.

I can understand and be compassionate to something without agreeing with it.

Kids and golf can be the most fun you will ever have being pissed off.

God would never forsake me, I would forsake God. (God waited for my return.)

It is okay to love someone and they not love you back–just don’t do it on their property after dark.

I should have listened more to what I didn’t want to listen to.

I also should have kept my mouth shut a lot more.

Most of the worst stuff I feared I created. (Often it would never arrive.)

I see that most of the stuff that I spent most of my time trying to get; I no longer have, and no longer need.

I also see that most of what I ever needed was always there, I was too busy looking in the wrong places.

Wounds heal.

Love returns. (Not that it ever really goes away.)

You can’t be totally present always looking back in hindsight.

From Artisan of the Human Spirit

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

freedom to be me...

the journey starts with the "freedom "from" me"...

the ability to lay down my fears, my wants, my needing to be thinner, richer, taller, more humorous, live in a bigger house... the freedom to be me without all that our own minds say is important, more important than who we really are... the keeping up with the Joneses so to speak... the lack of being complete and happy with what we have been given... talents, speech, sight, food, shelter, employment... be gracious for what is before you and not what you think you need to have in order to be who you think you need to be... for all that we lust for, new car, larger home, better job all to soon becomes familiar... and then we move the milestone again... think of your last new car... no one could eat it in, drink in it, wear dirty shoes in it... for the first year.... now it's just your car... where does the race stop... which milestone becomes enough... a million dollars... maybe it needs to be 2 million... maybe 5... what or when is enough...

the freedom to be me allows for a world of opportunity to be lain at my feet... those moments to be truly thankful, free of wants and desires, just moments of being truly blessed and being content with that... quit complaining about the new job you wished for and received only to find out the hours are longer and the people not quite as nice... quit moaning about having to clean the huge new house you prayed for and received... happiness grows from within and if we can learn to let go, get ourselves out of the way and be content, the whole meaning of our lives becomes crystal clear... all this stuff that we do, not to please ourselves, but to look good in the eyes of someone else, slowly robs us of the joy our lives are meant to be filled with...

but this is our life's work... to free ourselves from the stranglehold our "want" machine has on us... just don't give up.... never give up... even if you die trying... to never have begun the journey is far worse than stumbling along the way and ever reaching for deep down peace... 

the freedom to be me, allows me to greet you and be thankful for who you are, not "what" you are, or what you perceive yourself to be...  

meet me face to face,  and being to being without all of our bling and possessions in tow, as that is the person I am interested in... let me care about your smile and the warmth of your arms as they embrace me, let me see Heaven in your eyes and hear the melody of your heart...  show me who you are and I will honour you in the same way... lift me up and I shall carry you also... 
love me as I shall love you... free to be... me... and you...

also posted on my Blog (http://currentripple.blogspot.com/)

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Week 30-Lesson 30: Open Up to Fear

I thought if I traveled, I'd find something. Maybe I'd find God. Maybe someone out there could ease the difficulties of life. You know, I used to talk to God. I'd often ask him (her?), "What should I do?" Often times I'd close my eyes and pray very hard. I didn't want to not know where I was going. I needed to be reassured. I needed to know if things would work out.

But no answer came.

And then one day, when I least expected it, after a long run around the neighborhood, a crystal clear voice said, "You know what to do." The voice was strong and reassuring. But I didn't feel strong and I didn't feel I was any closer to knowing what I was meant to do in this world.

I wanted to follow that voice. I wanted to know it intimately. I wanted to understand where it came from. What if I went the wrong way? What if I did the wrong things? What if I made mistakes? What if people didn't like what I was doing?

I was afraid. I didn't have any answers. I made a lot of mistakes in life (and I'm still making them). I fell down quite a bit. I was not a happy person and I didn't respect myself nor did I believe I had anything positive to offer the world. Still, I could not forget that clear voice that came to me on that fall day of my senior year in high school while running down a narrow path flanked with bright orange and yellow maple leaves. The air was crisp, but the late sun shone on my face and filled me with an incredible warmth. But it did not last.

After high school I traveled all over the world searching for that voice. I traveled to Mexico, South America, Asia, India, etc. I meditated, I practiced yoga and once again, in deep silence, I basked in that inner warmth and stillness I had felt for those few moments in high school. For a time, I attributed these feelings to a certain practice. I believed that something outside me--the environment, an organization, a teacher, a guru, God--made me feel like this. Without this practice or a certain environment, I thought that this peace and this joy could not last.

I don't know exactly when things changed. I don't recall the exact day when I understood that voice or when I overcame my fear. I think it was gradual. Meditation helped, yoga helped, walks in nature helped, writing helped, friends helped, books helped--I am grateful for so many things that aided me on my path and gave me the courage to open up.

But that voice. The one that said, "You know what to do." It didn't come from God or Buddha or yoga or meditation or my husband or my friends or my family or anything else. All of these people and things played a part in understanding these words.

"You know what to do," came from me.

Not the Katherine Jenkins "me," but the one that is opened and fearless. The one that is not separate. The one that is connected to everything.