Wednesday, March 24, 2010

A Paged Turned

     “You folks have a good day. I’ll be back later.”
     “Would she feel any pain?”
     The footsteps stopped, backtracked from the door and returned to center stage where our eyes were focused, always focused. She paused and looked at the body draping over the soul that dared to speak. Quietly, she sat down on the corner of the bed.
     “No sir, there, would be no pain.” For the next half hour or so, her quiet voice comforted, factually but gently, the saddened soul. When no more questions were asked, she patted the leg next to where she sat, my mother’s leg, and left the room.
     Nothing more was said. I did not speak nor did my Daddy. No mention had ever been made of taking my mother off life support. His question, spoken with his soft southern drawl bellowed against the walls of the Hospice room where we sat with my mother.
     The next morning, when I opened the door the silence was overwhelming. Never has silence screamed so loud. All life sustaining equipment had been removed. No ticking, whirling or pumping. Total silence. There sat my small father, in his chair, looking at my mother unplugged and natural. Neither of us said anything for a while. We just sat together.
     “It was time.”
     “Yes sir.”
     Hearts beating as they waved good bye were the only sounds in the room. It was in those moments of eternity that my spirit and brain fully embraced what it meant to sit with the stillness of your breath moving in and out.
     Why, in the midst of a day that started with little to no sleep, at work at 5 a.m., guzzling more coffee than any human being should consume, in the midst of a corporate tug-of-war, this page should open I do not know. Life has a way of creating gentle breezes that act like invisible hands that playfully turn the pages in the book of life. When you least expect it, you notice you’re no longer on the page you were reading. You don’t know remember the page being turned. You were reading one sentence and now it has mutated into a different sentence, a different message.
     To no longer sit with the shrouds of what were because they, well, because they were. To no longer sustain those bits and pieces of myself which have gone and no longer sustain me. To know the silence of love’s kiss good bye that is really a hello. To welcome the sitting, the empty room and know it is time.

[also posted on my blog]

365 Lessons-Lesson 83: There is Only ONE of YOU

So, to follow up on my previous post, We are Our Own Worst Critics, comes this! A realization that was so simple, yet so simple to forget. Thanks to all the comments on the previous post which helped me realize it. The realization is: There is only ONE of YOU. And this may be debatable. For example, if you Google Katherine Jenkins you'll find a very busty Welsh opera singer who actually has a fan club on Facebook for her boobs. I couldn't help but join the Katherine Jenkins' Breasts Fan Club. I thought about changing my last name to my husband's name which is Lee, but then there's Kathie Lee Gifford, and I don't think I want to be her either. I wish I had a unique name like my best friend Lena Helena Phillipa Hillinga or my blogger friend Sharni Montgomery.

But I have to remember that there's only ONE of ME. I told my husband's business partner, who's name is Moshe (now isn't that a unique name??), that I really needed to change my name because when my book is published, no one will be able to find me. Instead, all they will find is a large pair of breasts and a hearty voice. He said, "No they won't, because you'll be much bigger than her." And that's not in the area you're thinking of..........

There's only one of YOU. I love this so much. How often do we forget this. How amazing is it that in the world of zillions of beings, there's no one like us? There's no duplicate. You may be an identical twin, but there's nothing identical about how the two of you operate (or maybe there are a few things, but I'm sure you have your own quirks and unique talents.)

Some of my readers commented on my blog last night that "No one has a story like yours!" Yes, this is true. True for everyone. No one has a story like any of ours. We have a monopoly on our own story. The amazing thing is that everyone has one and not everyone knows how unique their story is!

I feel compelled to share my story in book form. This is not really a want or desire, it's a purpose that seems to be beyond myself and beyond my name. It's something I don't fully understand yet. I think that when we share our own unique stories from a place within, we actually connect to something very universal about us all. It's a place where names don't exist. Our story is our path. If we have followed that path with our heart, no matter who we are, we will connect to something much greater than ourselves, our breasts or our names! Yet, the fact that we are all very unique and treading down our own individual paths is what gives others the inspiration to do the same. Keep being YOU, that's all you can do! Lots of love and light to all of you, Kathy