Spinning Wheels Got ta go round: Revisiting Early Dreams

REVISITING EARLY DREAMS

I had my first painting class last Saturday at the Escuela de Artes Plasticas de Puerto Rico. 


It was a class on color theory. I arrived for the first class two weeks ago and the start date was postponed until the next Saturday. I arrived on the next Saturday and discovered that the professor was absent. By the third class, I expected that we might not have class or maybe some other changes could occur. Perhaps the room location would be changed? (Ah, life in Puerto Rico!) It's okay though. I did not mind the changes because they gave me more time to become accustomed to the routine of driving to Old San Juan, which involves finding parking, figuring out how long it takes to walk to the classroom and of course (for me the essential information),  locating the nearest place to have a cup of coffee. More importantly, I had time to deal with the stress of revisiting the old dream of studying art. 

I'm in a period of life called "the redo" as in the common expression, "I want a do-over!" This "redo" does not include everything done in life (meaning regrets) but rather what was not done, which could also, but not necessarily, mean regrets. This understanding signifies that I realize that it's hard (if not impossible) to do everything in one life.

I highly recommend that you revisit your early dreams. At some point in life, I think everyone should take a look at the remaining memory-bits of their earlier choices (and their consequences) and try to re-construct them. Asking questions such as:

What did I decide? What were the consequences? What choices led to the life I am living now?  How would I like to shift the current direction of my life?

Periodically, we should give ourselves permission start again. In order to have a happy and satisifying life, it's essential to avoid heavy regrets about life decisions. It's so easy to say, "It's too late."  How many people look back and say, "I wanted to be an/a __________(artist, singer, dancer, musician, pilot, actor or?) and my __________ (parents, husband, school counselor, children, fear, logic, or?) made me choose _______(business, teaching, homemaking, and so on). We all make decisions that blame circumstances (such as the preceding) or ourselves and we accept that their direct consequences; however, we don't always know that, in fact, many times we did not decide. We delayed our decision so long that the choice no longer was visible.

We don't realize that not deciding is also a decision.

On a personal note, I don't think I'm alone when I say that many artistic people find themselves in non-artistic fields just because they did not choose. Certainly, we can argue that our creativity has been put to use in another "more practical" career; nevertheless, that earlier desire often demands our attention. It can still push retired people, for example, to take dance, voice, pottery, modeling class or to show up for an audition at the local community theater. What I'm suggesting is that this "foolish" behavior is worth it and nudging you to start now. Don't wait until you have the time. Further, this choice to actively engage the remnants of the earlier less encumbered  you, can awaken the memory of wonder, i.e., the ability to appreciate and experience unencumbered joy.

Be warned! Making the choice to revisit your lost dreams causes mental and emotional turmoil. For example, for the last few weeks  my nighttime dreams have been influenced by symbols of that earlier time in life (and the earlier me) where I changed from being a carefree idealist to a "poser" pragmatist. I choose the word "poser" because those who genuinely know me realize that I remain an idealist. You might say that I suffer from  a Pollyanna-ish optimism and try my hardest to keep her under cover. I'm a look for the silver-lining kind of person. Indeed, I force myself to squarely deal with the dreaded practical problems all of us encounter in ordinary life. It's fine. I have no problem with keeping my feet on the ground. However, I know that a real emotional/psychological breakthrough can be made by jumping out of an airplane- of course wearing a parachute! (I did that!) And if that experience was one of your early dreams, you don't actually have to jump out of an airplane but just engage the dream  and at least (below) play with a parachute (photo credit). Or maybe go zip-lining? (I want to do that!)


 

My homework assignment is met with some anxiety. Recreate (with acrylic paints) the color wheel using the three primary colors yellow, red, and blue (photo credit).




It has to be exactly 15 inches in diameter and "look pretty." How do I do that? Below is what the homework assignment should look like...




Only, a reasoning and/or creative person must be aware that the brushed in and home-mixed colors might not behave! I am a novice but at least I'm choosing how to spin my wheels. I wonder what kind of dreams I will have tonight? 



"Spinning Wheels" by Blood, Sweat and Tears

What goes up must come down
spinning wheel got to go round
Talking about your troubles it's a crying sin
Ride a painted pony
Let the spinning wheel spin...

© Cynthia Pittmann 2014

Daily Writing Practice: Remembering Dreams

Remembering Dreams

Do you ever wonder how you can remember dreams? Lately, I've been reading Carl Jung's Memories, Dreams, Reflections and attempting to record my dreams every morning. If I can remember my dreams, I will have a view of the hidden me. I want to look into the parts of my personality that I hide from myself - risky business! I consider myself honest about my motives and practice self-witnessing. Maybe that sounds strange but those of you who are in some kind of meditation practice know that witnessing your thoughts and actions (without judging) can yield a tremendous amount of information about yourself. I am looking to find a creative energy source that will bring my writing alive with vitality. I've discovered other techniques to wake up the muse but I would like a more reliable routine that keeps me in touch with my imagination.

The goal is to wake up everyday, notice what in floating around in my mind and then immediately write down everything in my mind - take a "mental picture" as it were. Words, thoughts, images, sensations, songs and so on. I have discovered that I must notice my thoughts before I move from the bed. I cannot allow myself to talk or engage in any preliminary activity before I write or else I lose the thoughts. Some days I'm successful while others (like today) I get caught up in washing dishes, making coffee, preparing for the day and before I know it - the dreams are gone! What did I dream last night? What influenced my subconscious? Blank! My mind is unable to remember my dreams because I had too many intervening thoughts before I recorded my dreams such as - why hasn't anyone done the dishes in two days! It's a good thing I didn't cook dinner last night or else there would be more dishes. How can I get cooperation about cleaning the house? And then my mind goes analytical - Why are we so stuck in these social gender roles that I'm the one who breaks down and does the dishes first? It's enough to wipe out anyone's morning dreams! My thoughts are a giant eraser rubbing out the lightest dream pencil marks first but today, the entire page was all gone.

Mental palaver! Jung uses that word as in to arrange a palaver to mean conversations  he has with the Africans at night. He wants to know if they have dreams and if they provide some kind of insight into their daily lives. He attributes their resistance to sharing their dreams with him as evidence of a lack of trust or "shyness." Jung even offered rewards - cigarettes, matches, and safety pins for sharing dreams but they wouldn't budge. I'm thinking that maybe they didn't remember their dreams because of too much palaver! I have been recording by dreams every morning for two weeks - let's see if some pattern emerges. I have a safety pin in my pocket for good luck.  Do you have any dream wisdom to offer? How do you remember your dreams?

©  Cynthia Pittmann 2013

~Also published in Oasis Writing Link (TM)

Go confidently...

Yeah, I wrote a book. You can see the nifty cover to the right of his post. (Located on my blog page) Nice reflective cover representing the material. Paid a guy to that. A year’s worth of work went into that little project right there.


Now I am not here to sell it today. True, I would enjoy seeing a copy or two float off into other’s hands. But again, not why I am here.

I was speaking with my wife yesterday on the “state of the union” of where my book stands. This nebulous project that kept me still, focused, and challenged since this time last year has been this odd, somewhat unspoken subject between us. Perhaps she wonders if I wrote of her. Maybe she wonders if it is a narcissistic memoir slamming those nemeses that challenged me which I victoriously slayed. Maybe she doesn’t get it, this whole writing gig. Maybe she doesn’t care. The only thing she mentioned was she hoped it brought in some bank.

Momentarily I reflected as she left the room how it would feel to become this mysterious, successful author who would sit in reflection in front of a window of an old home, sweater with the patches on the elbows adorning me, spewing words, randomly accepting and tossing appearances as my bank account grew. Ahhh...

Quickly that faded. Back to the present there turbo–don’t put the cart before the horse.

As I came to completion of this dream I have had for nearly two decades, I reflected on a few things. For one, I wrote a book dammit. I wanted to write a book, I wrote a book. Mission accomplished! I sat for hours. I wrote hundreds of pages longhand, then placed them on a laptop, and then to a desktop, adjusting, thinking, editing, manipulating text to become what I felt was my music. I was the only one listening, and I liked my song.

The satisfaction in doing this little endeavor was originally to simply journal thoughts I wish my kids would know, or know about me should I ever leave this world too early to tell them. I wanted my kids to have a personal slice of me they could sample at their whims at any point in the future where I was not able to tell them directly. Another mission accomplished. It was originally for them, not me. It just evolved organically.

I see that I had a void and I have now filled it. I had a gesture I wished to extend to my kids, and now not only do I have the original, but a printed book my kids can read and forever hear the voice of their daddy should God take me home tomorrow. I did something very challenging and time consuming I set out to do. Something that the little voice in me told me I probably could not do. Something many may have the desire to do, but let life get in the way. The same type of life I had to navigate to find the time to follow my dream. If I knew exactly when I may die, I may have waited to start this project, but I do not have that luxury. Go confidently...

What I found that whenever I placed any importance on how many copies I will sell, or how many people will read, or if Oprah will wave a copy at her flock, I am cheapening my dream by placing my accomplishments’ value in the opinion of others. True, who wouldn’t love for the Grande Dame herself to give your book a nod and then your heart’s desire no longer be in question. However I see that now I am extremely fulfilled I did what I set out to do; once being a character defect I often shrugged. I refuse to let what I have done thus far be diminished if my “numbers” are not strong.

Of course I would love to see my message shared by others in the context of how it has affected their lives. I would love to be a “finger pointing the way” so-to-speak. Making a buck or two would also be a nice perk no doubt. But this dream I consider accomplished, and I will simply revel in the fact I did something I love, am passionate about, and can share. My message here and now? To share the hope that others can do what I did. What is your dream left undone?

I like the fact that I realized the engaging of the dream, the pursuit of the dream, and the completion of the dream is where the reward is personally. To release it to others for adoration and capital gain is another venture. I consider it “marketing” of the dream–a by-product mind you. I do not place any validation of the success of the dream on the acceptance of it by others as much as the value of the fact that I am happy with my work, and that I did it when I thought I couldn’t. Therein lies the reward that will forever remain enduring and more valuable that monetary gain. Again I ask, “What is your dream left undone?”

I like the quote by Dr. Wayne Dyer where he states, “Don’t die with your music still in you.” (I will let that marinate in you for a moment.) With every tick of the clock passes a missed opportunity to set sail upon your life’s potential. Sing your song and unfurl your canvas my friends as those ticks are precious.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
                                                                         ~ Henry David Thoreau  (1817-1862)

* (Oprah, my contact info can be found to the right and scroll down a bit!)

    *Note - Repost from Artisan of the Human Spirit - so I apologize for
      the mentions in the beginning of the post of items on my blog!

The Inspirational Cynic

Afternoon all. Thank you Kathy for allowing me to join your merry band of scribers. I am truly delighted to be here.

When I was 9 years old I read a book called Little Ed by Ed Tully, and from the moment I had finished it I knew that I wanted to be a writer. When I was 8 years old, we moved from the north of England to the south. I had a little typewriter and I would correspond to Toni Smith, my northern best friend, who I have known since I was 5 years old (and we are still writing to each other 30 years on but via email now) using my clumsy fingers on my clumsy machine.

As I got older my passion for writing grew but I it was always underpinned by a need to make money from it. I have never been very good at writing creatively just for the joy of self-expression. In fact, when I do such endeavours invariably the result makes my toes curl, and I hope and pray that they are never discovered. If they are, then at the very earliest, after I am dead and ideally completely dead, and not hanging around in some transitional plane having to endure the criticism, but not having the means to defend my intentions. A bit like Joe Orton’s diaries, I am sure that he never expected to have his shorthand decoded and the world to read about how often he bashed one out. In my teens I had heard that you could make £200 per Mills and Boon novel so I thought this was an ideal way of writing to formula and earning some easy cash. My friend’s mum was a Mills and Boon member and had hundreds of them, so I read a few, which was very entertaining and then began my first draft. The problem was I just couldn’t take it seriously and it always ended up as some stupid parody, full of sexual debauchery and drunken frolics that amused me, and my school chums, but didn’t really stand any chance of earning me the coveted £200.

While I was at university, my housemates and I, on rainy, cash strapped days, would pen erotic fiction stories about each of us in compromising positions with celebrities of our choice. Again, they just turned into stupid parodies, which were hilarious. The olives and the pool table were a nice touch. Anyone who has seen Priscilla Queen of the Desert will know what I mean. As I was studying a PR degree we thought it would be funny to try and sell them to men’s magazine Maxim. It was my first pitch into a features editor and it wasn’t my crowning glory. It went something along the lines of, “Hi, we have written these really funny erotic fictions stories and as Maxim is a glorified porn mag with words we thought they might be your cup of tea.” Click, as the features editor put the phone down.

After graduation I started working and was given the opportunity to work with the press photographer for Lawrie Smith’s yacht racing team, Silk Cut, who were participating in the 1998 Whitbread Round the World Race. I became privy to an inside look at these globetrotting, womanising, yachtsmen. At a summer bbq at my parents, I was introduced to a literary agent who had given up the big smoke for life in Middle Earth. I pitched the idea ‘Silk Sluts – The Inside Tale’ to her and we began the proposal writing process. The book looked like a winning combination and Silk Cut were definitely the team to watch when it came to debauched behaviour. It wasn’t long before they made the tabloid front pages when boat driver, super sexy Gordon Maguire, left his wife, and began a year-long affair with Page 3 hottie Jo Guest. However, my literary dreams were once again shattered, when I broke my leg, while watching the start of the race, onboard a speed-boat and spent the next year learning to walk again.

I next came into contact with the world of publishing when I was managing the communications programme for, British yachtsman, Mike Golding. He was competing in a yacht race called the Vendee Globe, a non-stop, circumnavigation of the world. As he approached Cape Horn his winning strategy looked like it might deliver, and so, in-conjunction with The Daily Telegraph sailing correspondent, Kate Laven, we began drafting a book proposal. She introduced me to literary agent David Luxton, from Luxton Harris ltd, and he agreed to represent Mike, with Kate Laven as the co-writer. Kate wrote a great proposal and David managed to muster some interest from publishers. Mike eventually, after a dramatic finish, secured a brilliant third place but he felt that third didn’t warrant a book so once again my brush with publishing dissipated.

However, I stayed in touch with David Luxton and kept my ear to the ground. On another gig as Communications Director of the Velux 5 Oceans, a global solo yacht race with stopovers, the sailing legend Sir Robin Knox Johnston, who in 1969 became the first man ever to successfully complete a solo circumnavigation of the globe, decided to enter. He was going to be a big media pull and was in a severely under funded campaign. In order to boost his income and on the back of a front cover of the Sunday Times magazine, it was time once again to pull in the dynamic trio of Luxton, Laven and Macnaughton. Before the proposal was even drafted we were beginning to get offers from publishers. I managed the relationship between Kate, David and RKJ, just because of the complex logistics involved with RKJ trying to co-ordinate his sailing campaign. Kate drafted a fantastic proposal and it went out to tender. There was huge interest and the book finished in a bidding war between two publishers. In the end, in a nail biting board level sign off, a six-figure advance was offered which secured the book deal for ‘Force of Nature’, with Penguin. Our editor was to be Rowland White, the author of bestselling aviation non-fiction novel, ‘Vulcan 607’. Before Kate got stuck into the writing we all went up to London to meet Rowland, I shook his hand, we chatted a little and I mentioned that I had married a Chinook pilot in the RAF. Rowland, who obviously has a keen interest in aviation, he mentioned another Chinook pilot, who was a mutual friend and it was all very jolly. I then walked away from the publishing world once more to get on with my very time-consuming day job.

After the race had finished, and Force of Nature had been published, Kate, David and I met up for a celebratory lunch at Soho House. David and I were talking and he mentioned that non-fiction military history was very much the books of the moment. He asked that if I got a sniff of a tale in this field, knowing I lived amongst the military, in a military house, as I was married to a Chinook pilot, that he wanted first refusal. I didn’t think much of it but agreed that I would only do so if I got to write it.

About six months later I was having a cup of tea in the living room of a fellow wife, who lived two doors up the street from me, and her husband, a Major in the Royal Marines, on an exchange tour with RAF, came home with a book in his hand called, In Foreign Fields by Dan Collins. He threw the book at me and said, “read that – it’s about me” alluding to a chapter in it. Her husband had earned a gallantry medal, called the Distinguished Flying Cross (DFC) in Afghanistan, and his endeavours were described in it. I said to him that I thought that I could get him a book deal. He agreed to let me try but only because he didn’t believe that it would ever happen. I contacted David and the machinations began. We, in-conjunction, with the Major drafted the proposal and then it was submitted. Somehow it ended up in front of Rowland at Penguin. At first, he turned us down, but he did agree to a meeting to see if we could expand the story a bit further to give it more substance. At this meeting we did so, I then wrote a sample chapter, and it was with great jubilation that I received a call from David to say that we had an offer from Penguin.

The contract was signed and I was the co-writer. I couldn’t believe that finally my dream to write a book was finally going to come to fruition. Then I found out that I was pregnant and we were being posted to Dorset. Penguin gave me a deadline of March 1st, this gave me time to grow the baby, move, have the baby, get the baby to nursery age and then have 6 months to research and write the book. No problem. Thankfully, the world had invented Skype and I was very resourceful. On the 1st January 2009 I declared myself teetotal until handover and began my writing marathon. Against all odds, and under some pretty extreme endurance writing sessions, ‘Immediate Response’ by Major Mark Hammond was drafted.

After a series of edits and a faff with the MOD, it was released on the 6th August. In it’s second week of sales it debuted in The Sunday Times bestseller non-fiction chart, at number 9, making it an official bestseller. The next job for me is now to publish a book in my own name. I am working on a non-fiction look at life onboard a superyacht, through the eyes of a stewardess. It’s going to be like Hotel Babylon but with teeth and I am loving every minute of it. It is a comedy noir and I guarantee it will be a page turner. However, I am currently still looking for a publisher to agree to take it on so watch this space. One day my dream will come true and I am not going to give up trying.

Immediate Response by Major Mark Hammond DFC RM with Clare Macnaughton Michael Josesph 2009 ISBN 0718154746

Hardback:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Immediate-Response-Mark-Hammond/dp/0718154746

Paperback:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Immediate-Response-Mark-Hammond/dp/0141039043/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1271776405&sr=1-2

There is nothing more disappointing then discovering, no matter how much you were born to scribe that becoming a bestselling writer and earning tonnes of money from my dream career is an enormous mountain to climb. I am still looking at the summit but I am not daunted by the prospect of never reaching the top. I don't choose to write. I have to write. I look forward to sharing, and receiving your words.

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What is my Purpose?

Yesterday's post was about leaving your life in God's hands. It was about acknowledging that we do not have to worry, because what happens is not really in our hands. We are co-creators, in that we can create our dreams, follow them and succeed in them, but what happens along the way, really, is not possible to fore tell.

It is like finding out what your purpose in life is. Can you really dream your purpose?
Can you follow a dream and think that because you enjoy it it must be your purpose?

It seems that having a purpose in life and finding out what your purpose is in life gets very fuzzy. They are not the same, even if they do overlap.

God/Source/Divine, knows what you where created for, because you were made by God. You can create situations, you can think ideas you can even find purpose in all you create, but how do you know what was God's purpose for creating you?

You can only do this by looking to God.

You do not find out how that builder built that house by asking yourself. You can find out how to build a house by reading books on how to build a house, or attend a course, or even speculate. You need to ask that builder how he built that house and for what purpose.

When you want information about something you go to the SOURCE (God)

So, we have our dreams, we have our patience, our faith, we put in the work and we respect that each venture (dream) is unique and we end up with a reality. Does this give us the purpose we so crave?

It may give you purpose, but are you any nearer to knowing what you are doing here, why you are on this earth?

If it doesn't bother you, then, carry on with your dreams, sow your seeds and wait patiently, believe in yourself using all the ingredients of success at your feet.

If you are not fulfilled with this reality, then you are asking,

'What is my purpose?'

Ask God, ask with an open mind. Forget all you know (for now) about achieving your goals, forget all you have learnt about looking within (for now). Ask God you want to know your purpose.

He may send you the answer with your Angels, you may find out through your soul's chosen spiritual teacher; Jesus, Holy Spirit, Buddha etc. You may find out through your Higher Self.

'Ask, and it shall be given you; seek; and you shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. [Matthew 7:7-8]

Also in my blog

Dreams Do Come True!

'Don't be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality. If you can dream it, you can make it so.'

Belva Davis.

I came across this wonderful quote yesterday. It was very fitting as I was thinking about a book idea which I am really excited about, but was trying to push away the negative chatter of my ego.

When I read the quote, I felt a sudden rush or reassurance. My ego stopped in its tracks and I dared to carry on with my dream.

It occurred to me that it is not enough to have a dream. You need to have faith and patience to make things happen.

DREAM+FAITH+PATIENCE=REALITY

If one of these components is missing the dream will not manifest, or it will manifest in a way which is not in the best interest for everyone involved.

As the quote by Davis states:

'Don't be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality'

Release your dream having no expectation, releasing the need to control situations.

'If you can dream it, you can make it so.'

If you can dream it, it will become a REALITY.

Have FAITH and PATIENCE because Dreams do Come True!

a new day...

When the gentle rhythm of my alarm brought me tumbling from my dreams this morning, I was ready to leap into the new day. 

Actually.... that is a lie. 

I rolled over and hit snooze...the repercussions of deciding to sit by the pool with hubby chatting the night away last night instead of going to bed like a good girl.

However, I only hit snooze once.  (Does that make it OK?)

I was tired but eager to get into this week.

This week is back to routine. Well... a different, new routine. But routine nonetheless and I do LOVE routine!

Don't get me wrong... I love holidays too. But really, the thing that is so great about holidays is that they are rare and so very precious. You have to make the very most of them because you are painfully aware that, in the blink of an eye, you will be back to having a daily agenda and pressure on your time. When it is holidays all the time, complacency can set in and you lose that important sense of purpose in your daily proceedings. Complacency is only good in small doses!

In this next phase of my life, I will be setting the foundations for a new season. In the past, to a great extent, the measure of my day has been completely consumed with my job. As a teacher, I believe that my job was also a calling and a ministry so I am not saying that the time was fruitless or wasted at all... just very full. Fellow educators will understand that, at the end of a long day wearing many, many hats (including the wide-brimmed hat required to protect you from the scorching UV rays whilst on yard duty at lunchtime), you feel just a little depleted. I know this sentiment is one shared by many a professional and is by no means limited just to those surrounded by children all day. However, regardless of the work, at the end of a long day, I would find it difficult to muster up the mental energy and brain space needed to completely focus on other things I would have liked to do.

By an amazing twist of God's grace and mercy, I find myself in a less-pressured position right now. Not having the consuming companion of a full-time job has me braced and ready to fulfill some other dreams; desires which have been gnawing at my heart for too long now.

I feel blessed beyond belief. I have big dreams and am partnering with the creator of all things! But I also feel a huge sense of responsibility... To whom much is given, much will be required. It is not all about me...it never has been.  I need to make sure I do what I do with the right motives, the right attitudes and the right heart. 


Also published on my blog.

365 Lessons-Lesson 46: Dreams Really Do Come True and Those Who are Living Their Dreams are Clearing a Path for YOU!

You've heard it in Pinocchio, "When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are, when you wish upon a star, your dreams come true." Fantasy, fairy land nonsense, right? WRONG! This morning Laura Munson, the woman who wrote the article Those Aren't Fighting Words Dear, http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/fashion/02love.html , which sent the comments section of the column Modern Love in the New York Times into a "frenzy," reached out and contacted me via a friend of a friend of a friend. She sent me a long e-mail which eventually led to a long conversation on the phone this morning. After writing 14 unpublished novels and a number of unpublished articles over the course of 20 years, she finally got her break from this article. Her book, which is a available for pre-order, is This is Not the Story You Think it Is: An Unlikely Season of Happiness

I couldn't help but feel my heart sink a little. While it's great to hear the wonderful things happening in the world to so many people, it's human nature to think, "Why hasn't that happened to me?" I also submitted to Modern Love at the advice of my editor, but got a form-letter response telling me that they could not use my article at this time.

All my life I've heard people say words like get real, get a real job, get a real life, get with the program, stop living in your dreams...society feels more comfortable with these words for some reason. Who made it this way? Why do we succumb to the status quo? Every single person we admire in this world, we admire because they lived their dreams...their dreams came true. So what the h*** are we doing? Why do give in..and give up? Why do we let it all go? Why don't we persevere? Why is it that only a few people out there really "make it" or really do have their dreams come true?


I came to realize that we all, individually, call the shots in our life. We decide, no one else does. What you believe is what you choose to believe. PERIOD.

After talking to Laura on the phone this morning, my sinking feeling left me. Laura now seemed like a beacon of light or someone clearing the path for others to live their own dreams. I realized that after years of hard labor, Laura's one-pointed focus and belief in what she was doing paid off. When we see the success of others, we often think that all they had to do to get there was tap their heals together like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz and say, "There's no place like home" and Voila, that's it! Not exactly.

My mind shifted even more after realizing that, on the phone this morning, Laura felt like someone I knew all along...someone who was a bit further down the path, but was there to assure me to keep walking; that it was worth the effort.

Lately I feel so fortunate to be connected to SOOO many people who feel this way. Just today a new author on Writers Rising, Angelguided, wrote a piece called Miracles . I couldn't help but feel how timely this was after talking to Laura this morning. I feel like a huge wave or shift is happening. The more we decide to go with our intuition, this force, the more it clears the path for others to go with it too. It's incredible! It's not the work of one person, I honestly and truly believe it is collective. How can you not help but want to get on the boat?

"I'm ALL in," as my husband says, how about you???

365 Lessons-Lesson 12: Don't Give Up, The Best Is Yet To Come

I can do it, I can do it, I can do it. Only 353 more days to go.....oh, Lord! This was what I thought as I sat down at my computer this morning. Fortunately, I have a bulletin board at my desk that has little pieces of paper, messages, letters, pictures, postcards and notes that encourage me to keep going.



This lesson from today is brought to you by a fortune cookie...that's right! According to my mother, my grandfather, who is no longer with us, use to also save the fortunes from his cookies and pin them up. It must be hereditary, because I do the same. He is was one of the most inspirational people I've ever known. He graduated from MIT, worked for RCA and helped with the development of the colored TV. After retirement, he traveled the world helping people in other countries develop in electronics. He was very positive and he had a very opened mind. He always believed in me and he often sent me articles from the Christian Science Monitor related to whatever I was doing and wherever I was. He donated to have a church built in his community and he also attended a multi-faith conference at Stanford University where he saw the Dalai Lama and other leaders of different religious organizations. I think he was ahead of his time.

Also on my bulletin board is a letter from my grandfather dated 12/06/96, he died three months or so after this letter was written. He wrote, "I was very pleased to learn in-depth of your travels and interests. You are a remarkable person and I am extremely proud of you. I like your ideas of writing a book. If possible, I would like to read it." I am sorry he won't get a chance, but his words seem to spur me forward. They shoot out at me, reminding me to keep going.

So, I made a bookmark of fortunes from cookies at various restaurants I have visited over the years. I know, it sounds a little wacky...but I like it. Some of the fortunes come from the Yogi Tea bags. I saved the ones I liked and taped them to a piece of handmade Korean paper. One of the fortunes on that paper reads, "Don't give up, the best is yet to come." Hence, our lesson for today.

I also have a card on my bulletin board from a friend. She gave it to me when I decided to quit the company where we both worked. It was my first job after college. It was sort of an "ideal" job...good pay, benefits, vacation time, 9-5...but I felt I was suffocating. I was ready for something more after less than a year working there. That was 1993, I believe. The card read:
"Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it."-Goethe. I'm happy to say that that friend is now an avid reader of this blog and one of my biggest supporters today. Thank you...you know who you are ^_^!
I took a leap of faith. I quit my job and worked in a few restaurants locally, traveled to Mexico to teach English for a year, went on my own down to South America and hiked on the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu, one of the seven wonders of the world.

(hiking on the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu, Peru in my early 20s)

I went all over Asia, lived in Japan and even climbed Mt. Fuji.

(Climbing down from Mt. Fuji, Japan after the sunrise on the top)

I met a monk who became my husband, traveled to India and the Taj Mahal, opened two yoga schools in South Korea...I just kept going!

(The Taj Mahal, India)

(First yoga school, Seongnam, South Korea)

So when I feel like giving up, I remember these things. I remember that so many people believed in me. I remember that whenever I took a leap of faith against all odds, because it felt right, I was rewarded. I remember that all the obstacles, money and time it took to see my dreams become a reality were worth it. The more I started living like this the more it became a way of life. Even if there is still a faint little voice in the back of my head telling me that it would be easier to stop, I don't think I can. I've walked too far down this path and now I feel I want to share it. Here are some other quotes worth requoting:

Never give in. Never. Never. Never. Never.-Winston Churchhill

I used to work at the International House of Pancakes. It was a dream and I made it happen-Paula Poundstone

Quit now, you'll never make it. If you disregard this advice, you'll be halfway there-David Zucker

Always listen to the experts. They'll tell you what can't be done and why. Then do it-Robert Heinlein

If you never try, then you'll never know just what you're worth-Coldplay(On the top of Mt. Fuji, Japan)

Peace friends......may you all be happy and peaceful and live the life of your dreams!

As Fate Would Have It Or You Would Have It?

In Korea, it seems there are the Christians, the Buddhists, and those that profess no belief in anything. I am amazed with the many who rely on superstitions and fortune tellers to confirm their choices, like finding a floating message in a bottle. In many different versions of belief systems, there is much written about the importance of having a clear mind and vision for yourself. You are the result about what your think about.

In Korea, I have been fortunate enough to do nearly everything on my list, save one thing. That was to visit the artist and writer's colony in Andong. I am so close to it, and yet so far away, the problem is, I can get there, but I have no way to get back. So I chose not to go. That kind of bit me in the butt, cancelling twice because of transportation. However, I can't really be too upset over this. Instead of a week up at Andong, I wrote my little heart out during my 'vacation', which was more like being fused to my keyboard, having writing marathons that left me with as little as two hours of sleep. When I get those 'brain fevers' I loose comprehension of time and sometimes you manage to scrape together some jewels out of the whole journey.

There was a time where I was obsessed with misspelled words, messages on t-shirts that seemed to scream at me to take action. Some of these messages pushed my internal buttons, igniting rages of thought and writing. My own explorations into what I perceived as a deadening of our brains. I was enraged. Had we, as a human race, lost our ability to imagine anything anymore? Even the tag, got under my skin. The contradictions in our society, "Be your own brain; Take to Trend" made me want to start a revolution within myself. How can a writer be original if they only follow trends? Imagination is the most underrated ability we can possess.

Today, I felt like the picture above, "Spew Out Your Worries". Today, I received my working papers for China. I have been officially hired by a University to start teaching in February. I have tried and mostly succeeded in couching those worries. My chief worry, was not about the job. My chief worry was being to continue my writing on my blog, The Lotus Sutra Chronicles, and the other writing projects I have agreed to do. It was with immense relief that I found several other expatriate blogs based in China. I still managed to jump up and down with excitement holding these "work papers". I know what this journey is going to mean for me. I made a huge leap of faith and caught on to the cliff's edge and I am going for it.

The way I look at it is simple. We can line up waiting to have our fortunes told, putting our faith in a complete stranger's words. The other option is to stop and listen to ourselves. The truth about who we are is already inside of us. Spew out your worries and realize that no one else can tell a story the way you can. I don't want to encourage anyone to follow my path. There is an incredible beauty in your own path, and yes, that means spewing your guts once in a while to have courage. Not through fate, but through faith (and hard work).

Hello! My name is...

First, let me say how excited I am about being asked to participate in this group!  Reading the credentials of the other writers on this blog was a bit intimidating, but I decided to close my eyes and jump.

I fell in love with books at a very young age.  I loved to write when I was still in grade school, making up simple stories for my eyes alone.  During my junior high years, my focus shifted to writing songs and poetry.  Strumming my guitar, sharing my original compositions with any friends that would listen, I dreamed of being a song-writer; but I never had the confidence to pursue it for a career.

My high school teachers often told my mother that I should be a writer.  However, they never told me!  (I learned of this only recently when my mom told someone else.)  I loved Lit classes, and still wrote my songs and poems, occasionally tossing in a short story.  Sadly, I never considered it more than a hobby.

Through my young adult years, I worked various jobs while raising my only child, a daughter.  My writing became almost non-existent, except for the time when, in my thirties, some college courses reignited my love of writing.  Even though my instructors gave me the highest marks, and encouraged me to enter my essays into local contests, I still lacked the confidence to actually do it.  At one point, I started writing a novel.  After about three chapters I lost steam and put it away.

Now I'm in my fifties and have finally found the confidence to pursue my life-long dream.  I am over fifty-thousand words into my manuscript.  And I have a plan!  Perhaps I'll share about that next time...

I currently write three blogs:  a farm blog, an essays blog (my miscellaneous site) and a blog about my pursuit of becoming a published author.