A letter to my boys

Dear kids,

I love you.

I really do.

You have turned my life right around and made me a different man, a better man.

I wish I could be the kind of dad you deserve; a hero, a Superdad or a giant. I wish I could be there to pick you up from school, and go straight to the park for a game of football before dishing out some good quality, life improving advice about how to cope with growing up. I wish I could be there every night when you have your tea. I used to be home in time to do your bath and read you a story most nights, now I am not, believe me when I say I miss that. Even when I am at home to pick you up from school, I’m still working so we have to rush straight back to the house, and you get dumped in front of the TV while I go back to work. I know that you quite like the TV, but would be happy playing too – so would I.

Being a dad is much harder than I thought it would be. I thought I just had to do all the things that my dad did that I liked, not do the things that I didn’t like, and add in some things that I wanted him to do. Somewhere along the way that has got confused, it’s not always so straight forward.

Sometimes I’ve dug my heels in and got cross about things that I cannot even start to understand the reasons for now. It’s taken years to learn how to ignore the trivial fights and stick with just the important ones. I’ve made many mistakes on that front and probably still will for quite some time. Sorry, I’m not very good at that.

Daniel, you are incredible. You have such a thirst for knowledge that simply amazes me, you are going to go far mate, but I wish I could give you the 100% attention that you so desperately crave. I know how hard it was for you to accept a younger brother, and how much you have to put up with now, being followed about and adored by this boy. He ruins your games, breaks your toys and then runs off crying when you get cross with him, and this gets you in trouble again. How can someone you clearly love so much, cause you so much pain? It’s not just you mate, this has been happening for hundreds of years, ask your Uncle how it feels, I am his younger brother.

I’m sorry I couldn’t help you more when you were being bullied at school. I would have gone there for you if I could. I truly believe there are some things you have to sort out for your self though, and boy you really did. I told you to laugh it off and ignore them. I said they could only upset you if you let them, so show them that you weren’t bothered and they would move on. When your mum wasn’t listening I also mentioned that I didn’t expect you NOT to protect yourself if needed, I hope this didn’t confuse you. Since then you have done so much, and I know you are happier, you have done that yourself, and I am so proud. You have so many years left at school and there will always be problems like these, I really hope I’ve given you what you need to cope.

Jamie, you put up with so much, so patiently. Your lovely temperament and desire to play are rewarded, all too often, by being ignored while we deal with your big brother’s latest tantrum. You shrug your shoulders and play on your own, as your parents try and work out what to do with him, instead of doing something with you. Sorry son. I want you to know that we have spotted this happening, and are trying really hard to correct it. I will try my best to reward your behaviour with my time, which is all you really want, rather than giving that time to reward a different type of behaviour. This is surprisingly difficult to do, the theory makes sense but it is not easy, I will try harder mate. I’m so proud of how well you have coped with your first year at school. We were so worried about you because you were always so nervous and shy, but my goodness how you have grown this last year. Your confidence is amazing, you are amazing!

Boys, I know I don’t always get things right for you, and I hate that, but I am learning all the time, so hang in there. If I could protect you from every single piece of sadness and evil that this world will throw at you for ever, I would, but I know that I can’t. All I can do is teach, and encourage you to have the confidence and ability to face them alone. Remember when you do, I’m here.

I really don’t care what you want to be when you grow up and nor am I in a rush to find out, but I will fight hard for your right to have an opportunity to choose. I will try to help you develop into being whatever it is that you want to be. You both are blessed with good health and good brains; I hope you understand how lucky that makes you. You really can be anything!

Be happy.

Be healthy.

Be nice to your parents.

Do the best that you can at whatever you do, without comparing yourselves to other people. As long as you are trying your best, you will always be doing well.

Look out for each other.

Don’t do drugs.

As long as I’m alive, I will always be here for you; I’ll always be your dad. Come and tell me anything, whatever the problem is I will help. Oh I might be cross, I might be upset, I might even be gutted – but I will never turn my back on you when you need me, ever!

You are who you are, and I love you.

Dad x


Also posted at Glen' s Life

The Problem of Consciousness

O how they cling and wrangle, some who claim

For preacher and monk the honored name!

For, quarreling, each to his view they cling.

Such folk see only one side of a thing

Buddha

Neuroscience is still in its infancy. It is still doing the meticulous, thorough and painstaking work that is required to explain the small stuff before any integrated explanation of consciousness is possible.

It was so in the natural world. And so it shall be in the science and study of the mind.

But science may never explain consciousness, nor (neuro) philosophy, nor religion, nor any other method. At least not on their own. Views outside of neuroscience may lack ‘neuro cred’ but they hold part of the answer to the deep puzzle of consciousness. While knowledge is growing about the details of the workings of cells, and networks and systems the concept of consciousness keeps shifting. It keeps changing. Therefore the conversations around this topic need to be wide open.

There are people on all sides who are committed to nourishing a collaborative and constructive view of the brain and mind.

I like Dennet’s view of consciousness as something that wins and takes control. His view explains how pain can ‘disappear’ when we are distracted by something else.

Or how things that are relevant to us have a big say in what we notice in our world.

And how awareness gives us some control over these things.

Patricia Churchland is also studying the interface between neuroscience and philosophy and writes informative articles that integrate disparate views like this one .

It was her writing on this issue that inspired this post.

I am also a big fan of the work being done in the field of the neuropsychology of emotion and cognitive neuroscience which links research findings back to the people who need help now.

The problem of consciousness is one of the deep puzzles that many humans are motivated to solve.

Many a problem is solved by sharing it, so it makes sense to work together on this one.

I wonder...

I wonder what it's like
To believe
Not question
Conform
Not think
Be a machine
Live in a box
Go with the flow
Do the easy thing

I wonder what it would be like
To go a day
Or a week
Without contemplating
Or challenging
The norm
Becoming part of a group
Give in
To social pressures

I wonder if
Believing
Conforming
Not rebelling
Or questioning
Could lead
To contentment
Eternal happiness
Security
Acceptance
Everlasting peace.

Also posted on my blog.


Copyright protected by Digiprove © 2010 Mansi Bhatia

What if... love?

By Kristn Brumm (kbxmas)

There is so much in the world that is beyond our control. There are people who choose to fill their hearts with hate and their lives with violence. We can't change that. All we can ever do is choose how we will respond to the world.

You may think, but I am only one person, I feel so powerless. But I disagree. One person has tremendous power. Why? Because we humans are sympathetic creatures. We resonate with the energy around us. If you respond to me with anger, chances are good I will become angry. But what if you have the courage to respond to me with love? You have just changed the game.

In February I wrote a post on my blog called God Hates Donuts? It was about a group of counter-protesters who responded to hate

with humor

Photo from EDW Lynch story, LaughingSquid

Most page views ever on any post I've written.

In that post I quoted Martin Luther King:

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction

What does drive out darkness? Love. Tolerance. Compassion.

So imagine with me for a moment....

What if whenever we encountered this

KKK rally

we responded with this

KKK counter protest, Athens, GA, photo by Gregory Skibinski

What if when something bad happened to people who didn't look like us

Earthquake, Haiti, Jan 2010

instead of listening to others assign blame

Pat Robertson

we just listened to our hearts?

helicopter preparing for water drop

What if we stopped trying to resolve our conflicts like this

near Israel/Palestine border

and instead tried more of this

Because if we did, maybe, just maybe, we could prevent anything like this from ever happening again

I know we can never eradicate violence and hatred from the world.  There will always be those who are deeply rooted in fear and who will choose hate over love every time.  But I'd like to believe they are a small minority, an annoying dripping faucet in the night.  The rest of us are a sea of compassion, hopeful, yielding, open-hearted, waiting to be swayed by your decision to chose love.

Because while there will always be discrimination in the world, there will always be bias and judgment, every now and then a majority will rise up in a single voice and surprise us

Election night 2008, U.S.

Kristin writes at Wanderlust

Energy happens.

We are made up of energy and surrounded by energy, so it would seem reasonable that we would be affected by changes in energy patterns. Energy patterns change all around us for a variety of reasons and they in turn affect our energy on different levels.

Those who are naturally very sensitive may pick up on this phenomenon but may not know what it is they are experiencing, especially if they are very young. Most who do not consciously pay attention to energy around them and who do not work at developing their senses consciously, even those who are naturally sensitive, will let opportunities, warnings, and even intuitive guidance pass them by as they ignore the signals being put out in the energy surrounding them.

Many will relate to the terms “bad vibes” or “negative energy” but these terms are usually dismissed as slang to describe a situation where one feels uncomfortable. But why do they feel uncomfortable? When we dismiss an opportunity to become consciously aware of a phenomenon that may inform us, we are dismissing our own intuitive response and energetic pattern as it relates to our environment. This is a dismissal of something very fundamental in our being that is a connection to the most authentic and highest part of ourselves.

Those who teach awareness of one’s surroundings in self-defense and during times of danger, are teaching the skill of listening to one’s energy as it relates to their present circumstances and environment, and of listening to the intuitive response to this relationship. Many who have reported surviving dangerous circumstances will describe the physical sensations that accompany the energetic shift that occurs within: tingling sensations, skin crawling, a sensation of the hair standing on end, feeling sick to their stomach, etc.

These are the physical sensations and then it is the conscious choice to follow the intuitive response to the physical sensation that saves these potential victims. Make no mistake; the choice to pay attention to the physical sensation and then the intuitive response was a conscious one. This is what sets those who become victimized apart from those who do not.

This type of conscious decision making is something that an individual develops by paying attention to the energy in their environment, how their physical energy is reacting through physical sensation, and listening to the intuitive response and following through on this information.

If you would like to read more about energy shifts and our interconnectedness with the energy around us and between us as individuals and collectively, I am running a series on the subject at my blog The Evolving Spirit .

This Place Looks Like A Tornado Went Through It

May 3rd, 1999 started out just like any other ordinary day. My husband Bob, our children and I had risen early to prepare for school and work. There were breakfasts and lunches to make, backpacks to fill and faces to kiss goodbye. Once everyone was safely out the door I began my work day on our farm. We had two steers and six hogs going to market that morning so I headed out to the barn to prepare things and to feed our horses and goats. As I walked towards the barn I looked up at the sky noticing it had that eerie green shade so common during spring storms. I continued towards the barn not giving the weather another thought.

As I entered the barn, I did what I had done since the day we purchased the farm. I thanked God for giving me my dream. How I loved that barn. It was almost 100 years old and boasted almost 4000 square feet to its two story wood frame. Every time I entered it, I felt my entire body relax with the sights, sounds and smells of the past and present sweetly coming together.

The morning went by with the market animals picked up on time and the chores done quickly and easily. I settled in my favorite chair in our comfortable living room for a relaxing cup of coffee. As I sat there sipping my coffee, I looked around the room thinking about how much I loved the farm. It was truly the place I had dreamed of all my life. Some of my happiest moments since moving from California five years earlier to Oklahoma had been spent on this farm.

 

Suddenly, my calm was shaken by the blaring of our weather radio. Since weather warnings were not an uncommon thing for the Oklahoma plains, I went into the bedroom fully expecting it to be the typical wind or storm warning. This time was different. There was something ominous in these warnings. I switched the radio off and went to the television knowing our local news would be giving the needed details. Yes, there were chances of multiple tornados but nothing solid yet. I shut the television off and called my husband. He assured me everything was fine and so we both continued our day as though it was.

I went about my housework feeling a growing uneasiness. The weather seemed more brooding outside and the air in the house felt thicker by the moment. Within hours Bob called to say all schools were closing and he was leaving work to go get the kids and head home. Even though there were no sightings in our area, the schools were taking the necessary precautions. I felt sick but Bob assured me he and the children would be home soon.

My oldest daughter Rachel and her husband Joel had purchased a new home just a few miles east of us. Today was to be their moving day. I decided to help pass the time, I would drive over and see if I could help them unpack. I called Bob to let him know where I would be and asked him to call me as soon as he and the kids got home. He assured me he would.

At my daughters I busied myself with the things associated with moving. She and I cleaned and unpacked boxes while Joel transported their belongings from the old house to the new one. Soon we received a phone call from Bob. He and the children had started the nine mile journey home when a tornado touched down in town. They quickly took shelter at the first house they came to. This would happen twice more before they were able to make it home safely. The kindness of strangers would prove to be immeasurable throughout that day and the days to follow.

We decided it was best for me to stay where I was until we knew for sure it was safe to travel home. As I felt the knots in my stomach getting larger and harder, I cleaned and unpacked with a vengeance. Shortly after the last phone call from Bob, the power went out. The cell phones would no longer work. The tornado sirens in town began to wail. I yelled for my daughter to get into the bathtub and cover herself with blankets as I ran to the sliding glass door in the dining room. As I stood there peering out into what should have been the blue sky of early dusk, I lost my breath. All I could see was the blackest, thickest, widest tornado even my own vivid imagination could not have dared to dream. I ran to the bathroom and told Rae, “I think we’re in trouble honey.” We both ran to the hall closet and closed ourselves in while praying that this would be the safest place. My chest began to hurt from the pressure of the tornado passing. We continued to pray.

After what seemed like hours the sirens stopped. Rae and I left the closet upon hearing a knock at the front door. A neighbor had come to see if we were okay. As we talked Joel drove up. Jumping from the truck he came running into the house crying. He had been on his way back to us with another load of belongings when a tornado had stopped him. He had taken shelter in the home of strangers. His greatest fear was that of losing his wife as he saw the huge monster heading our way.

Suddenly it occurred to me that I had not heard from Bob. The phones were not working and all I could think of was getting home. Joel wouldn’t let me go alone so the three of us got into his truck and headed west to the farm. We had only gone two blocks when the siren began its horrible wail once again. The police flagged us into a safe house refusing to allow us to continue on. As we took shelter with strangers I prayed for the safety of my husband and children.

Hours would pass before we were allowed to continue our journey back home. Joel refused to take the dirt back roads that would quickly lead us to our farm. He felt it best to stay on the paved roads as much as possible. I was frustrated with that decision. Later I would learn of two more tornados passing through those back roads at the very moments we would have been on them.

When we finally came to our road I saw the first images of the destruction. It was now after 10 pm. The sky was black and the lights that normally dotted the county roads were all gone, destroyed by the tornadoes. There were police and fire trucks everywhere. The eerie lights from those vehicles along with our truck headlights illuminated more than I wanted to see. We would have to drive one mile down the dirt road before getting to our house but I already knew. I could see pieces of our barn and home along the road. I began to hyperventilate.

Pulling in front of what was once our home, now crawling with emergency workers and neighbors; I jumped from the truck and ran to the edge of the front lawn. Even in the darkness I could see the barn was gone. The house looked like something from a Halloween horror movie. It was battered beyond recognition with doors and windows gone and lace curtains blowing from the inside to the outside. The wind howled through the empty shell. I looked across the driveway to see my husband’s car crumpled and destroyed. I dropped to the grass screaming thinking I would never see Bob or our children again. As neighbors tried to comfort me, I sank deeper into darkness, my mind swirling with the sight before me. Just when I thought I couldn’t take another breath, a familiar pair of arms enveloped me. Bob held me close as I sobbed with relief. One by one our children joined him by wrapping themselves into the family embrace. They had arrived home minutes before the tornado hit giving them just enough time to take shelter in our basement.

 

Sixty-six tornadoes would pass through Oklahoma on May 3rd, 1999 killing forty-eight people. It would be recorded as the most prolific tornado outbreak in Oklahoma history.

And Then There Were Two...

photograph by Kathryn's Creations

Cowboy went back to work today after two months away with a broken wrist.
What a two months it has been!
Aside from having a broken wrist and not being able to play football or work, I do believe something magic took place.
I didn't have to go and pick up nappies or milk, AND he mopped the floor.
Monte and Cowboy bonded.
I am not saying they hadn't bonded before, but the hours Cowboy takes doing his Cowboy duties (with sheep) meant he used to literally see Monte for about one hour a day.
Most of that hour, bless him, was spent trying to get our boy to GODDAMN SLEEP!
So two months away from work, away from football and just hanging at home was a great gift in some ways.
Monte has had a chance to really get to know his  Dad.
Please read rest of the story here