Special Relationships!

Special relationships, what are they? We are talking about intimate, 'love' relationships, borne out of 'love'.

Maybe we should begin with the question of what is love?

'Love is patient,
Love is kind.
It does not envy,
It does not boast,
It is not proud.
It is not rude,
It is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
But rejoices in the truth.
It always protects,
Always trusts,
Always hopes,
Always perseveres.'

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

Therefore whatever is not the above, means it is not love???

So for example, taking one of the lines above, love- 'it is not easily angered.'
Does this mean when we are angry with our intimate partner, do we not love them any more?

It seems so!

But let's not use only the Bible's word for it.

Eckhart Tolle, an author and spiritual teacher, says that,

'If in your relationships you experience both 'love' and the opposite of love - attack, emotional violence and so on - then it is likely that you are confusing ego attachment and addictive clinging with love.......true love has no opposite.'

He continues,

'Love is a state of Being. Your love is not outside; it is deep within you. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you. It is not dependent on some other body...'

So what are special relationships? Or to put it another way, What is the purpose of a special relationship??

If they invariably create so much emotion, both positive and negative, where the negative is not love, and by the looks of it neither is the positive since it is the opposite of negative, and as said above, 'true love has no opposite'.

Is there a purpose, other than procreation?? Is there something more spiritual or is this it? - You fall in love, have a few good times, have a lot of bad times, have kids, make up, get on, fight again, stay together, or not, fall in love with someone else and start the whole process again, with a few variations.

Tolle believes that humans have increasingly become identified with their mind and therefore most relationships are not rooted in the present. This is why it turns into pain and conflict.

Avoidance of relationships does not dissolve this pain, since the problem is that the identification is with the mind and not the present moment - living in the past or future.

Relationships work on our need to become whole. To make a whole you need both masculine and feminine. That is the pull, the attraction, the search for wholeness, on a physical level, since at the core, we are whole.

So, other than the need for wholeness, what is the purpose of a relationship?

Tolle believes a relationship's purpose is not to make you happy or fulfilled. If you continue to look for happiness through a relationship you will be disillusioned over and over again.

Tolle says that a relationship's purpose is to make you conscious. Which in turn will bring you happiness, for being conscious is your natural state of being, just as love is your natural state of being. Accepting this will help you align with a higher consciousness.

How do you stay conscious? What is conscious?

Staying present, Being, not going to the past which is riddled with guilt, bitterness and hate, or darting to the future which is infested with worry, fear and anxiety.

Staying present makes you an observer. Being an observer, you are alert. Being alert keeps you present, dissolving any pain real or perceived freeing you to accept the NOW!

The Problem of Consciousness

O how they cling and wrangle, some who claim

For preacher and monk the honored name!

For, quarreling, each to his view they cling.

Such folk see only one side of a thing

Buddha

Neuroscience is still in its infancy. It is still doing the meticulous, thorough and painstaking work that is required to explain the small stuff before any integrated explanation of consciousness is possible.

It was so in the natural world. And so it shall be in the science and study of the mind.

But science may never explain consciousness, nor (neuro) philosophy, nor religion, nor any other method. At least not on their own. Views outside of neuroscience may lack ‘neuro cred’ but they hold part of the answer to the deep puzzle of consciousness. While knowledge is growing about the details of the workings of cells, and networks and systems the concept of consciousness keeps shifting. It keeps changing. Therefore the conversations around this topic need to be wide open.

There are people on all sides who are committed to nourishing a collaborative and constructive view of the brain and mind.

I like Dennet’s view of consciousness as something that wins and takes control. His view explains how pain can ‘disappear’ when we are distracted by something else.

Or how things that are relevant to us have a big say in what we notice in our world.

And how awareness gives us some control over these things.

Patricia Churchland is also studying the interface between neuroscience and philosophy and writes informative articles that integrate disparate views like this one .

It was her writing on this issue that inspired this post.

I am also a big fan of the work being done in the field of the neuropsychology of emotion and cognitive neuroscience which links research findings back to the people who need help now.

The problem of consciousness is one of the deep puzzles that many humans are motivated to solve.

Many a problem is solved by sharing it, so it makes sense to work together on this one.

Energy happens.

We are made up of energy and surrounded by energy, so it would seem reasonable that we would be affected by changes in energy patterns. Energy patterns change all around us for a variety of reasons and they in turn affect our energy on different levels.

Those who are naturally very sensitive may pick up on this phenomenon but may not know what it is they are experiencing, especially if they are very young. Most who do not consciously pay attention to energy around them and who do not work at developing their senses consciously, even those who are naturally sensitive, will let opportunities, warnings, and even intuitive guidance pass them by as they ignore the signals being put out in the energy surrounding them.

Many will relate to the terms “bad vibes” or “negative energy” but these terms are usually dismissed as slang to describe a situation where one feels uncomfortable. But why do they feel uncomfortable? When we dismiss an opportunity to become consciously aware of a phenomenon that may inform us, we are dismissing our own intuitive response and energetic pattern as it relates to our environment. This is a dismissal of something very fundamental in our being that is a connection to the most authentic and highest part of ourselves.

Those who teach awareness of one’s surroundings in self-defense and during times of danger, are teaching the skill of listening to one’s energy as it relates to their present circumstances and environment, and of listening to the intuitive response to this relationship. Many who have reported surviving dangerous circumstances will describe the physical sensations that accompany the energetic shift that occurs within: tingling sensations, skin crawling, a sensation of the hair standing on end, feeling sick to their stomach, etc.

These are the physical sensations and then it is the conscious choice to follow the intuitive response to the physical sensation that saves these potential victims. Make no mistake; the choice to pay attention to the physical sensation and then the intuitive response was a conscious one. This is what sets those who become victimized apart from those who do not.

This type of conscious decision making is something that an individual develops by paying attention to the energy in their environment, how their physical energy is reacting through physical sensation, and listening to the intuitive response and following through on this information.

If you would like to read more about energy shifts and our interconnectedness with the energy around us and between us as individuals and collectively, I am running a series on the subject at my blog The Evolving Spirit .

Chronic lying and the fallout.

If you have a relationship with a chronic liar, you have more than likely become prey to a predatory personality. There is evidence in nature that there are survival reasons for developing deceptive behaviors; animals that employ camouflage as a technique for survival is an example everyone is familiar with. At the basic animal, survival level, this was a practice that needed to be developed but when you are talking about the evolution of human consciousness, these practices that at one time were survival behaviors, when taken to the extreme and allowed to continue to develop beyond what is in balance, they become misbehavior and compulsions, addictions, and even pathologies.

The affects on a person who has become prey to a liar in a close relationship develops into confusion and self- doubt in the victim because this is what the predator uses to weaken their prey. The liar will project all of their behavior onto the other and work at systematically tearing their prey down so that they have no resistance. A predatory personality is very calculating when they go about choosing their prey, they will seek out those in whom they detect weaknesses that they can prey upon easily and then go about their work.

Those who become prey to a chronic liar in any serious, long term relationship will have a difficult time getting themselves out of the cloud of confusion they find themselves in. The most difficult and the most important step you will have to take is to find a way to have faith in yourself again and take the step on the road toward self-love. Your first step won’t be self-love, it will be more visceral - it will be self-preservation. Just as the chronic liar is going to have to be the person who comes to the conclusion that they want to end the cycle of destruction and self-destruction, the victim needs to bring themselves to this place as well. This is the first decision anyone makes toward recovery.

I've been covering the subject of chronic lying and the effects that come about at the personal relationship level at my blog The Evolving Spirit . I am continuing the series as I move into steps one can take toward overcoming this problem and moving toward recovery. I am compelled to write about this issue at this time because I feel it is becoming epidemic in our society not only at the personal level but in society as a whole. The first step toward affecting the larger consciousness as a whole has to begin at the individual, personal level.