Tuesday, March 30, 2010

A journey of self-discovery

I sat in silence.

The sky engulfed me. So did the greenery.



It was a meditative state ... hearing nothing but the chirping of the birds.

The sound of the breeze in the rustling leaves.


The smell of grass.


Everything kissed by the sun.


I was at peace.


As I cocked my head to the left, I saw the freeway ... glistening metal and glass edifices.
A mass of civilization. People running from Point A to Point B.

Mindlessly.


Trying to make ends meet. Trying to figure out their purpose in life through their work. Trying to survive in a consumerist battlefield.


Perched up on the green folds of the mountain, I tried to blur it out.




All needs, wants, ambition, goals -- vanished.

Replaced by calm.

It was so real, that it felt surreal.


And then came a flood of questions.


Why didn't I make more time for such escapes from a life that continued to stress me?


Why
have I built a life that continually demands me to be a robot?

Why can I not just leave it all behind?


Why can't I enjoy more time with Nature?


Why can't I just spend days wandering, reflecting, marveling?


Why do I need a routine, a structure to make sense of my existence?


Why can't I just be?


Escape.


Create my own reality.


I didn't come back with any answers, but the questions keep nagging at me.


When I
know what I really want to do, when I know what brings me contentment, when I know what makes me fulfilled...

What's holding me back?


Is it a false sense of security?


Is it just because?


I don't want to go down the "I don't know" street...it never leads me to any answers, just buys me more time to muster up the courage and ultimately confront my fears.



I want to close some doors and not look back.


I want to open some doors and explore with wild abandon.


One day soon we'll have to sit and talk it through.

I, me, and myself on a journey of self-discovery.


Also posted on my blog.

Share

3 comments:

Lynne Walker said...

Great reflection and photos! Thanks.

Mansi said...

Thanks, Lynne :-)

Marilyn said...

"I want to open some doors and explore with wild abandon." I hear you! Huge smile