Introducing myself is never easy.

Hello.

I suppose I’d better do that 'thing', you know the 'thing', the 'bad thing'. Writing is easy (okay, writing well isn’t, but simply writing is), I can write about my life, I can write about my wife. I can write about my kids, I can write about… Damn, I can’t think of anything useful that rhymes with kids – lids? How often do I write about lids? I’ll consult with my Dr. Seuss thesaurus, and get back to you.

When it comes to writing about that 'thing' though, I draw a blank.

That 'thing' – is me, Glen Staples, the idiot still making sand castles, even though his children have run off to play with a kite.

Sadly then, I have to introduce myself and that involves getting my keyboard to write a bio (the mere mention of that word brings me out in a sweat).

Think back to when you were 18 and had your first car. It was an old style Mini, or something similar. You got it 4th hand and it was a wreck, but it was so much fun. Your mates would all pile in, and you would head off to the coast for the weekend with the cassette player (use Google or Wikipedia if you are too young to know what a cassette player is) blasting out Kiss or Bon Jovi (again Google will help). Another night would see you parking up in the woods with a girl whose name you had already forgotten, and then desperately trying to master the art of bra removal.

That’s not me – I don’t think it ever was.

I’m the 2nd hand Ford you had when you were 20. You had started having ‘relationships’, which could sometimes last months. This meant that you were officially ‘a couple’ and could therefore not go on the weekends to the coast with your mates. Also the excitement of the bra removal had gone, because it was no longer new and her name was on the green strip along the windscreen. However the car stuck by you through all this, got you where you wanted 8 times out of 10 and it had a CD player.

That’s me – not quite so much fun as you hope, but loyal, often dependable and almost, but not quite, modern.

I left home at 16 to join the Royal Navy, where I attempted to have ‘relationships’ with many women around the world, often at the same time and usually unsuccessfully. Eventually, I found a girl foolish enough to take me on, so I left the Navy and settled down to a more normal life.

Now I have two children, a wife and a London commuter’s life, all four of which give me plenty to write about, because there are funny things that you can see in almost all situations if you know how, and where to look.

Check these posts out if you want to see what I mean.

Survival

I live in a sit com

Training update #2

These can all be found on my blog http://www.glens-life.blogspot.com/.

Hopefully, now that I’ve got the introduction out of the way, I can relax and write some more for Writers Rising soon, meanwhile I need to get a cup of tea so that I can sit and read some more about you.

By the way…

I can write about my kids,
I can blink my eye lids,
I can eat the meat of the Krakka-Dakka-Zidz.

Good old Seuss never lets you down in a crisis.