Toxic people are easy to spot!
Toxic people are like vampires; they are charming, flattering and always there to give a hand. They are always on your side, understand your point of you (in the beginning) and then when you are under their spell, they suck you dry!
O.K. maybe that is a little dramatic, but in effect, a toxic friend is a vampire, in that they suck your energy. The toxic friend rings you up always with something important to tell you, has you on the phone all night, even though you are telling them that you need to go and make dinner,go to work, go to sleep, you're having a heart attack.
Nothing stops them from having their rant. When they are finally done they give a big sigh and tell you they feel much better now that they've had a chat. They praise what a brilliant friend you are and then hang up, without asking you whether you are well or not!
Totally drained you come off the phone feeling shell shocked and wondering whether that conversation actually happened! You have no more energy left for whatever you where in the midst of doing. Then later on you begin to feel guilty for thinking ill of your friend, and just think you are coming down with a bug, that is the reason you feel so drained. That's what good friends are for aren't they? to be there for your friend no matter what.
It may never occur to you that they are not there for you when you need them. Or if they are there they are not as helpful, as you would like. You feel indebted to them, feel like they are just feeling sorry for you and you feel bad that you are burdening them. They may listen to your worry for five minutes and then they switch to telling you about their problem (it's only fair they were listening to you) and they leave in a hurry to go out to a new restaurant with their new friends and don't feel any guilt about leaving you a wreak whilst they go and have fun.
For those who have never come across a toxic person, it may mean that you are actually a toxic friend yourself. Do you whinge, moan, criticize, put down, not draw breath whilst you are doing all the above? Do you think the world revolves round you and that you are a brilliant friend?
If the above rings true, then maybe, you can change your ways. May be, you can take time to listen to the friend that is always there for you. Maybe you can see the friend in a new light and offer real help, see things from their world for a change.
(An article I published on Helium.com)
6 comments:
Familiar to me! I do take my part in this relationship though. I could say something, I should say something, but I don't. I'm happy to listen for a while but then I move on. It's a long friendship and I don't want to lose it for good.
You're right to ask if one might need to look at themselves to see if they might be a toxic friend, but if you have toxic friends, look within and ask yourself: Why? What are you getting out of the friendship? What in your energy would attract such toxicity? Do you feel unworthy of something more, something better? What can this person teach you so you can move on?
We are the reflection of what we project from within.
Aine
Very True..you realize late if you don't know this category and you have already lost a lot..but very difficult to ignore we can therefore work towards taking discussions to shorter and positive path..and detox the person and escape from the toxins ourselves.. we should always remember not to spend much time with them..though not ignore them completely..
I try and remove myself from toxicity at all cost. It may require just plain walking away, hanging up, or moving out or on. I know many suffer from being in toxic relationships and I guess the question is..how do these people build up enough strength within them to realize this? I guess life is a learning process and everyone is walking at their own pace.
I used to be this person! I agree with you Aine, what was it within me that was drawing these people towards me? I was in a low place and I needed to get a reality check, so all my 'friends' were instrumental to my learning, in getting out of the rut. I am not like this anymore, I have learnt my lesson and I am more diligent in getting out of the way of toxic people. Sometimes it is not about what is inside yourself, but a reminder that you do not want to be around such low vibration. It is like a kick for me to get out of the way. Of course there are people we want to stay friends with, and we do gain from them too. Thank you all for your insightful comments
Funnily, I was only involved in a discussion about this today. As said, I take full responsibility for entering and engaging in this poisonous relationship.
Today yet another friend commented on how much I had changed being around this person, how I too lost my straight-shooter outlook and undertook the toxic, venomous nastiness persona. She was the second person to welcome ME *back*.
What is pretty disappointing is the fact that I did not walk away from this friendship, I was dumped from it. What sort of an idiot am I?
Post a Comment