Longing and Layers

     The feet of snow have finally melted and yes I do have shingles on my roof and the grass is still there. The snow/ice sculpture on my roof that reminded me of a dolphin, then a wave and then a question mark is gone. I will miss nature’s artwork when I drive into my driveway. She always welcomed me home after a long day at work and made me smile.
     A couple of days in the 50’s and even a 60 degree day kicked the top of the ant hill and we all scurried out of our winter caves. Today, nature chuckled and played the role of prankster and ushered in a taste of winter. Were winter and spring having a friendly joust? Knock knock. Who’s there? And spring replied, “Tis I.” At which time winter laughed and locked the door.
    Winter’s clouds have hidden my stars and moon. I look up to see my friends and they are once again cloaked in winter’s snuggly. I must confess a frown jumped upon my face while I was not looking. But feeling the furrows in my brow my lips drew the drawstring and pulled them back and left me with a smile.
     Perhaps this is nature’s way of tilting her head , looking over her glasses, as my mother would do, and with an ever so subtle smile suggest I rethink what I was about to do or say. We may divide the seasons with blocks of time and calendar squares but they remain eternally layered one upon another. The chill tonight reminds me that the spring and summer’s warmth will come but soon I will miss and look forward to winter’s sweatshirts, thick socks and the silence of the first night snow. Layers.
     And so to my hidden stars and moon, like the treasured memories in my heart, sea shells, friends, family and my dreams – I celebrate your layers. I celebrate your timelessness. I celebrate your eternalness. I embrace each of you with the hope of spring, the laughter of summer, the gathering of fall and the reflective winter’s heart. I pull the blanket up over your shoulder, tuck it in and kiss your forehead goodnight. And in my dreams, layered with the seasons and eternity, I shall lay down beside you and myself and in wakeful slumber dance with life.

[also posted on my blog]

We Are

This is my view. Everyday I walk through the campus and see these young lives teaming around me, like salmon swimming upstream. I may not walk as fast, but I feel the smile dance on my face. I have already mentally rehearsed my classes and I prepare to see the faces in my classroom and think already what an amazing journey it has been. I found a way to reach them and to reach you here.

While I have been here, I have had the obsessive thought about what the concept of freedom means. It is a drumbeat in my head. Summer is quickly approaching and I am just venturing away and getting out there. My hesitation falls away like an old style I used to wear, but no longer suits me and I have found a warmth as the neighborhood seems to have opened their doors to me.

The students begin to approach this odd woman from the west. I smile a lot because I had sifted through the dust of this place to see their lives and struggles that are just like ours. I tried to quantify things on a scale that was like our own, only to realize that approach is like wearing Gucci while digging in your garden. It doesn't work.

We are the same and different at the same time. I have been amazed with the people that walk up to me just to say 'hello'. The uneasy feelings of a stranger's approach isn't felt here. I kind of marvel at that. Usually, we are uneasy with our neighbors, thinking about reasons for approaching someone. It struck me, that our warning to watch out for strangers in our home countries has to vanish when we are abroad. We trust them more than we trust our own countrymen. Or maybe, it is my own change.

So in the midst of a sea of people I stand out. I cannot hide who I am. I walk around like a neon light with my pale skin and blue eyes. I cannot be who they are. So on my journey I go to a market and see coops with live chickens and the vendors selling their meats and produce and just feel for who I want to do business with. For a moment, I want to buy all of the chickens and free them, only to realize they wouldn't go anywhere.

I watch the smiles of children as they walk with their parents and I realize they have a concept of family we are so far removed from in the States. Grandparents are often the rearers of children as the parents earn for the families. When a person marries they truly marry a family and not just a spouse. The communal life of grandparents, parents and children is something we went away from in our quest for the individuated life. Here, it is their foundation for society. They are all in it together. Their social security system is the family to care for its own throughout their life spans.

It made me realize why so many marriages are not entered into if the family does not approve. It isn't even a thought. Even if they love each other tremendously, if the family doesn't like the selection, an engagement is broken off because they all have to live together. It isn't our way. It is their way.

That is how it is with life, because the more I see of others, I begin to realize how many ways we try to have others be as we are, instead of simply looking and appreciating the difference. With each discovery a person grows and learns this world is not one size fits all.

My Tryst with Chanting

Ever since I was little, the sounds of chants and mantras have captivated me! As a teenager, I remember seeking out audio tapes on Veda chants and listening to them over and over. Each time I heard them, I felt renewed, reconnected to the Universe. Plain and simple, I just felt happier!  

As a little boy, when I learnt to chant in Sanskrit, I knew I had found a way to feel closer to God anytime, anywhere. It was the one thing that could take me to a happier place, instantly. Talking of relative degrees of happiness at that point in my life, I would say I considered chanting a means to something more delightful than my battery operated cars that, well, I totally LOVED! My sister will vouch for my unsurpassable passion for driving my cars all over the house floor, creating traffic jams that now, 20 years later, I struggle to get OUT of each morning!

All those years ago, one evening, after driving around my stately cars, clearing the traffic jams they got themselves into, and calling in my treasured police car and ambulance just for effect, I picked up the Bhagavad Gita. I chanted some verses from it, and then couldn't put it down. For the next few evenings, I had a date with this eternal "Song of the Universe."

Fifteen years later, Dr. Tom Egenes, a Professor of Sanskrit at the Maharishi University of Management in the U.S., invited me to his class to chant for his students. What followed was many hours of blissful chanting during the years I was pursuing my Art degree at the University.

Today, six years later, my chanting of the Gita is recorded on a Website that is part of the Vedic Literature curriculum at the University. Tom shared a YouTube link with me that has a few verses on it. I'd like to share the link with you too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8gRH02-Sy8

Chanting brings me peace, even if I don't know the literal meaning of what I'm chanting. That's the beauty of Sanskrit, a language in which merely the sound of every word exudes power, affirmation, and melody.

(Also posted on my blog)

Wisdom

"If he has to, man can live off the land.

He just needs to pick and 

choose what leaves can sustain him"

- Monte

(sorry just wanted to share this, I know it is not the style here, my Dad - Monte's Pop came up with it and thought you might like it too) 

Life WAS meant to be Easy!

I have managed to make some changes to my life based on the notion that if something is meant to happen, it will happen easily.

Whether you believe in fate or destiny is one thing – but you have to agree if you are heading in a direction that is right for you, stuff tends to fall into place!

Opportunities appear as if by magic, you conveniently bump into JUST the person you need to speak to and you may randomly look at a magazine you never read only to turn to an article about the very thing you are currently interested in…

You start feeling amazed at this coincidental sequence of events calling it luck.

I don’t think there is any such thing.

I think life WAS meant to be easy, it is us crazy humans that have made it hard!

Our heads are so chockablock with Lara Bingle’s latest movements, the mammoth electricity bill we just received and the fact that the plumber STILL HASN’T SHOWN UP – that we have lost touch with this simple notion of trusting the flow of life.

The signs are within us and around us leading us where we need to be. If only they were not drowned out by the noise!

Sod off Bingle! I’m trying to listen to my inner self for God’s sake!

Think of a time you really really wanted to do something but every time you tried you hit a brick wall.

You probably  got upset because you had been giving it your best effort, but to no avail.

These kind of events really reveal a lot about your character.

You may get upset and get the “I’m not good enoughs” or you could just shrug and say “Oh thanks for the heads-up, I’m not meant to do that” and then carry on expecting to find the path you ARE meant to be on.

If you ignore the brick walls you keep hitting and keep ploughing away, they are going to get bigger and nastier.

I’ve seen some ugly walls in my time, some that had made me understand why Humpty Dumpty did what he did.

Struggling to do something that you are not meant to be doing is not only a waste of time, it is the fastest track to Prozac.

My advice is to quit while you are ahead!

If it is too hard, then find something easier.

Sarah Wilson theorises if she hears a person mentioned three times in a day that its a ’sign’ that she should contact that person.

Christa Avampato doesn’t believe in getting down about missing out on a course she applied for rather seeing it as the  canyons opening up to reveal the path she should be taking.

If you don’t buy into the cosmic, universal flow of things, then if nothing else,  this is a great attitude to have in order to deal with setbacks!

These days I tend to surrender to the flow of life rather than being in too much of a rush to go on a wacky and spontaneous adventure every five minutes like I used to (though had some fun living this way) . I don’t feel the need to shake things up so much anymore just for the hell of it.

I love following my ambitions and stepping into unknown territory- but only if I am ‘feeling it.’

When I’m feeling it I notice the clues, because I am consciously looking for them. Usually kind people pop up in my path to help me get to where I need to go.

This spins me out, I love it. ”When the student is ready..” teachers really do crop up!!

Since I started writing online the amount of ‘helpers’ that have turned up in my path has astonished me.

From my good friend and wonderful web designer Lena offering to create the banner for my blog when I first started, to the lovely Talia who I have hardly spoken to in my life who is helping me design an advert for my website. The ‘helpers’ list is a mile long.

Since starting my website, people I have asked for interiews have been easy and forthcoming and I just feel I’m riding a wave I am meant to be on.

I’m not struggling anymore.

Let me tell you after decades of wrestling the brick walls it is an absolute load off.

So sing it from the rooftops!

Life WAS meant to be easy!

Turn off the TV and start listening to yourself!

Please drop by my website for some grass watering :-) 

You Want Irish? I Got Your Irish Right Here!

When our son announced he was going to marry his girlfriend, Amy, he prefaced it with,

“Now, Mom, I know there are going to be some things you might have trouble with concerning her family.”

“Like what John? I think I am a pretty open person.”

“Well, they are Democrats.”

“So? I have friends that are Democrats.”

“And her dad is a politician. He’s friends with the Kennedys.”

“Ummm…ok. I know Lamaze breathing. I can deal with this.”

“And they are Irish Catholic. Very Irish CATHOLIC.”

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph … save me now!”

John marrying Amy and marrying into her very Irish Catholic, Democratic politician, Kennedy loving family is one of the great joys of our lives. There has never been, and we doubt ever will be, a better family on the face of this earth than the Brady family. We love them.

I am proud to say, Ellen Brady was my friend. She started off as the mother of my daughter-in-law, Amy, however it only took meeting Ellen that first time to realize she was true friend material. Never has there been a warmer, kinder more welcoming heart than hers. Each and every time we were together, it was always the same; A big, fat, Irish party! Forget that I don’t have a drop of Irish blood in me. All I had to do was eat, drink and be merry and I was Marla O’Hansen in their eyes. I have never felt more loved and accepted.

Seven months ago, Ellen left us. My heart still aches for Amy and her family. My heart aches. I miss her. This year, Amy is honoring her mother by walking in the 3 Day Susan G Komen walk. Here are Amy’s own words:

"On August 13th, I lost my mother to breast cancer. She was an amazing mother, wife, grandmother and friend. My life will never be the same; I miss her every single day. I have tried to participate in a fundraising event for breast cancer every year since she was diagnosed, but this year I'm going to do even more to make sure we find a cure for this disease.


Please support me as I take an amazing journey in the fight to end breast cancer! The Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure is a 60-mile walk over the course of three days. Net proceeds from the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure™ are invested in breast cancer research and community programs."

So, here is what I am asking anyone and everyone willing. Please help Amy make a difference by making a donation. There are two ways: you can go to Amy’s website and make a donation through Susan G Komen or you can go to BowsforBreastCancer.com and make a purchase with 100% of the proceeds going to the Susan G Komen 3 Day Walk, in honor of Ellen Brady’s life.

Would you consider posting this on your blog for others to have a chance to make a difference also? It would be so greatly appreciated.

One last thing, for those of you who are Irish, love the Irish or are loved by the Irish, please raise your Guinness and repeat after me….

Here’s to being in heaven 20 minutes before the devil knows your dead!

Erin Go Braugh!!

He says, she says

By kbxmas

When my son was a toddler he rarely talked. For about six months a speech therapist came to our house once a week and tried to draw out his words. Eventually he started to speak but still, he remained a boy of action and few words. Until this past year, that is. It's as if he discovered the joy of articulation overnight and now assaults us with non-stop verbal artillery. Take this salvo, thrown at me as I was pulling into the Target parking lot the other day:

“I just burped without making a sound. I wish my bones were superglued together. Mommy, when I opened my juice it 'sploded. In you van. Are you mad? I smell french fries.”

His words are like buckshot, tiny pellets of minutiae scattered to the wind. He'll throw a hundred words at me and maybe six or eight will stick.
My 7-year-old daughter on the other hand, chooses her words thoughtfully. Hers is the silver bullet tucked with care in her pocket, withheld until absolutely necessary, never wasted. They have the power to melt hearts and wound them.

Tonight she was harping on about something that was unfair so I sent her upstairs for a cooling off period, which only served to further stir her ire and as she made her way down the hall to her room she yelled the following at me: “I hate you and I will never apologize! And if I do apologize I won't mean it!”

While I should have been wounded by this, I've been hated by her enough times to know that it only lasts the duration of her time out and besides, I was too tickled by her addendum to be hurt. As predicted, once she was allowed back downstairs we made fast with a hug and a game of trash, in which she beat me soundly. Fortunately, both my children are fluent in the language of forgivemess, as are all children, in their wisdom.

I'm a bit apprehensive, however, for her teenage years, when her tongue may grow sharper and her cooling off period longer. At least I'll have my son to talk at me while I'm waiting her out. Unless, of course, they go changing on my again, as kids are wont to do.

Also posted on Wanderlust