The hoopla of marriage

Weddings are a special time.

For most people, it is a time of celebration and parties.

The ceremony symbolizing the union may vary in each culture, but the ethos is the same: it's a time for new beginnings. A time when two families, not just two individuals, join forces.

And society acknowledges, and blesses, the newly weds, congratulating the respective families on this milestone.

But what makes a wedding special for the bride and groom is very different from what makes it special for the parents, relatives and friends.

My wedding was a quick affair.

I had flown in from Iowa City for a weekend...just to hang out; nothing special. We had been having conversations about marriage, living in, social pressure, parental expectations...wondering what the big deal was and why people gave it so much weight.

For the past two years we had discussed the meaning of marriage and concluded that for us the act of getting married by itself didn't signify a binding contract.

A social ceremony is held to validate the couple's commitment to each other -- but why do we need to publicly show our promise? So we can be held accountable, right? But when the two people who made that agreement don't want to honor it anymore, can others really hold them to it?

My life partner had decided early on that marriage wasn't for him. He wanted to spend his life with me, but he didn't need the stamp of marriage to make him carry on that undertaking.

I, on the other hand, wanted the illusion of security that an official document (but not a social celebration) provides. It wasn't that I didn't' trust him; I was just too entrenched in the socio-cultural value system I had grown up knowing.

We decided to walk the middle road.

So, that Thursday when all we had decided to do was sleep and watch TV, we paid a visit to the local court house.

We hadn't intended to get married -- just get some information, find out the process, etcetera.

Seemed pretty straightforward -- fill out some paperwork, present your IDs, pay the 79-dollar fee for a marriage license and decide when you want to have the ceremony. Seeing as it was so simple, we did the needful and took an appointment for the next morning.

We arrived at the courthouse at 10 a.m. the following day -- me a little giddy; he his usual composed self.

We walked down the steps to the marriage ceremony room, were asked if we had any witnesses, and upon answering in the negative were provided one.

The County Deputy Marriage Commissioner asked if we had rings to exchange. Nope.

"Do you have a necklace for her?" she asked, knowing that in Hindu wedding ceremonies the mangalsutra was more important than the ring.

"No," he said.

She shrugged and said, "Alright then, this shouldn't take long."

Eight minutes and 80 dollars later, she had pronounced us husband and wife.

I don't even remember those eight minutes -- all I remember is feeling oh-so-grown-up.

And special -- here I was, standing next to a guy who despite his dismissal of the institution of marriage, had participated in this ceremony to show me he really, truly loved me.

He didn't have to do it, but he did it anyway.

And for me, the gesture meant more than the piece of paper we walked away with.

No one knew we were getting married.

I didn't know we would be married by Friday when I flew in the day before.

And we didn't feel any different. I retained my last name. We told our parents. And that was that.

From our point of view, that is.

Our parents' perspective was slightly different.

Both sets wanted a public display -- mine a little grander than his.

The planning conversations began.

Not with me, but amongst themselves.

For many months prior to my arrival in India, all that mom and dad talked and breathed about were "the arrangements."

I found this handy visual on Dazediva's site to demonstrate what their planning must have entailed.

My parents were planning a wedding and a reception in my hometown, followed by another reception planned by my in-laws in their hometown.

We were flying to India for 10 days during winter break (I was still in Iowa) and didn't want a grandiose celebration -- after all, we were already married.

Not according to my parents.

My folks didn't acknowledge the "paper wedding" for the longest time, because they hadn't "given me away." And until they did that, I wasn't "his." Needless to say, they hadn't mentioned our clandestine court wedding to anyone.

They wanted to invite immediate and distant relatives, friends, extended social circle acquaintances, colleagues -- everyone they knew for their only child's wedding.

I was treating it only as a symbolic event -- so all I wanted was for people I cared about and those who cared about me for the crux of the ceremony.


Eventually, after a lot of heartbreak, crying, and emotional blackmailing, the ceremony took place in my parents' living room. The wedding venue had been flooded the night before.

Only 12 people were present and the ceremony took all of 90 minutes.

Finally -- we had gotten the social validation.

We were done.

The two receptions that ensued allowed for more social acknowledgment -- with the guests commenting on the food, our attire, the decorations, and the entertainment.

Of course, they had come to bless us -- the rest of it was just social norms.

Despite not wanting to, we did it all. Growing up I'd realized weddings are such a waste of money. Money that could be used to benefit so many people who really need it, but I went along anyway because this was the only way I could show my parents, the same way he did for me, that I really, truly loved them.

And they needed to do the whole jing-bang because of peer pressure. What would their friends say? What rumors would their colleagues float? What would our relatives think?

This was their only child -- they had to do right by the society they lived in.

Almost a decade into this relationship, seven of which have been spent as his wife, I can reflect and say we really didn't need either of those ceremonies for us.

We needed them for the people around us.

Even though we are married, our friends will vouch that ours is not the traditional husband-wife arrangement.

We've never been good at playing those roles, and I hope we never learn how to.

For us, being together is all that matters.

Marriage is just a by-product.

Also posted on my blog.

Night of the Grasshoppers

The night of the grasshoppers begins at Khruu June’s house. Villagers start showing up with lamps strapped to their foreheads like miners, hauling empty bamboo baskets. We climb into a pick-up driven by June’s husband and set out through the deepening dusk. The sunset is spectacular, with thunderheads glowing an icy pink-and-blue in the darkening sky.
The truck rattles past the reservoir, leaves the lights of the village behind and heads out into vast, dark fields of Thailand. After a while, even in the dark, I can see that the fields we have reached are full of sugarcane. Abruptly, the pick-up shudders to a halt and everyone pours out. A gate that leads into the sugarcane fields is tightly padlocked. The truck can go no further. Everyone begins to climb under or over the gate, so I do, too. On foot, we pass a shack with no electricity. The three children who live there are standing out front in the pitch dark, silently watching us slip past by like a throng of ghosts rustling the sugar cane. We pass a pond, and we are still tightly clumped together. And then, as if a secret signal has been given, the group scatters in all directions.
The sugarcane towers above us. Most people wear headlamps or carry flashlights. Some carry flickering candles, which they hold up to the sugarcane stalks, in search of grasshoppers. When a grasshopper is spotted, it is plucked from its perch and thrust into the basket. Sweat pours down my body and heat lightning flickers in the distance. The basket I carry grows noisier as the night goes on, rattling with the sound of grasshoppers hopping madly inside. Somebody’s candle starts a small fire which somebody else stamps out. Among the boys, there seems to be a competition for who can capture the most grasshoppers. We roam the fields, which seem endless. After a couple of hours, I begin to feel claustrophobic, trapped among the towering sugarcane, yearning for open space, for a place to stop moving, to rest, and cool down. I’m wondering if we will ever find our way back out again.
Then a quiet young village girl comes and takes me by the hand. She leads me gently and doesn’t bother speaking, as if I am a deaf-mute. Now she parts the sugarcane stalks, bends over and peers inside. She turns and smiles up at me, beckoning. I bend over and peer into the thicket of stalks. Three baby birds are nestled in a row on a stalk, serenading us in the night. We pause in our attack on the grasshoppers and listen to their delicate, trilling chorus.
The reward for all this labor comes later, back at Khruu June’s house. It does not involve money, but food. Baskets upon baskets of grasshoppers are dumped into woks sizzling with oil. The taste is salty and crunchy, similar to popcorn. Some of the villagers won’t eat the grasshoppers until they’ve pulled their stomachs out, because the stomach tastes bitter. I learn, after a few tries, that I won’t eat them until I’ve plucked off their razor-sharp legs.
Also posted on my blog Strange Islands

365 Lessons-Lesson 158: Celebrate the Success of Others

I think I posted this lesson before in another context. Can't help it, there's too much to celebrate. I came home from teaching a little tired and worn out. Nothing exciting to report until I looked down on my dining room table and there it was. A book!

Not just any book, a book from a blogger friend. I can't tell you exactly when I *met* Tony Anders from Ohio. Well, we've only met virtually. Yet, like many online friends I have crossed paths with here and other places, I feel like I know him well.

Today I received something tangible from Tony. Something that I could actually hold in my hands. A gift. It was such a different experience. When you type a comment to someone on a blog, there's feeling there. But when you hold an actual book sent to you by someone you met through the internet, suddenly things feel "real"...that this is a real person with real emotions who really exists. Not to say that you all don't exist out there, but sometimes I wonder. Sometimes I wish we could all meet up. I'm going to make that one of my goals. Maybe I won't be able to meet all of you, but I'd at least like to meet some of you.

Anyway, Tony Anders has a wonderful blog called Artisan of the Human Spirit which is also the name of his book. He is also a writer on a collaborative blog I started called Writers Rising which now has 34 authors. I asked Tony if I could buy an autographed copy of his book. He was so sure that my book would be published that he sent me a copy in exchange for mine when it comes out. On the first page of the book he wrote:

Katherine,

Thanks for being a good friend in my writing journey! I hope our paths cross someday and we can celebrate our writing success over tea and yoga!

Tony Anders,
6/4/10

I sure hope we will do that Tony! Signs have been appearing lately. I think if we pay close enough attention, they are always there. Tony's book on my dining room table this evening really made my day and I felt it was a sign. In celebrating the success of others, we are actually celebrating our own success because we are all connected. It depends what we decide to tune in to. I decided to randomly flip open Tony's book as I was eagerly looking for more messages or signs.

The booked opened to a chapter entitled, "Why Not?" And I have to give you a little book preview as Tony's words really spoke to me. He said:

To me, the fact that anyone is reading these words is a miracle. My writing, as well as a plethora of other desires and goals, have been postponed, shattered and shunned by my biggest critic: me! Fear (False Evidence Appearing Real) and insecurity rented space in my head for so long I started to believe I did not deserve or live up to what was mine for the taking. I spooked myself, procrastinated, and then disappointed me and others. No longer will I live in fear and sabotage my own potential.

I have certainly been there. It took me years before I was willing to share anything I had written with the public. I didn't feel what I wrote was worthy enough for others to read. It wasn't flowery or lyrical enough, I didn't have a fancy vocabulary or earth shattering things to share. Just a few days ago I posted "Take a Nap," sure that that would put everyone to sleep. It actually got quite a few comments and an e-mail from....of all people...my mother! She loved the post. Maybe we don't need to put this pressure on ourselves to be "amazing." Maybe what people are drawn to is who we are, just as we are. We don't need to add or subtract anything to what makes up us. We are wonderful as we are.

Thanks for making me realize this today Tony! You are wonderful as you are and I celebrate your success today. I am very happy for you my friend and I hope you sell many copies of your book! Peace to you, Katherine

Here's a little video I made after I received your book today. I am in my front yard garden. I am speaking softly, so sorry if you can't hear me very well, but the neighbors were playing ball in their yard next door and were a little puzzled at who I was talking to ^_^!

Start the day with recess

The onward plodding slowed as we approached the building. Even though we are approaching the final three days of school, it is still school for three more days nonetheless. The weekend’s freedom was coming to an end, and the students in the courtyards and playgrounds started to converge on the doorways leading to the classroom.


As the children tried to find order in their excitement to prepare for their calmer “school-accepted” volumes and demeanor, the teacher emerged from the doorway. Normally she stands back and holds the door for the youngsters, allowing them passage. Today she extended her arms, keeping them at bay and forcing them to retreat and not enter the school room. The kids were shocked at their interrupted routine.

The teacher spoke these heavenly words: “Children, leave your backpacks here on the steps. Today we are starting the day with recess!”

The sky’s parted. Heaven appeared before all. Once the statement sunk in, my son raised his hands and shrieked as if exalting to the witness of a biblical miracle. It was the kind of shriek that I know windows shattered, car alarms went off, flocks of birds flew away, dogs started barking and forest animals jerked their head in startled amazement.

What a pleasant surprise!

Okay I am forty five years old; I still want to be able to start my day with recess from time-to-time. Maybe I can. I guess our interpretation of recess has maybe changed. I am aware that if I were to join the kids on the swings in the morning that is, well ...just creepy. I find that recess is simply a pleasurable break in the routine. “What” the break encompasses is subject to personal interpretation.

Upon reflection, I find that I have been finding ways to incorporate “recess” into my schedule recently; especially in the mornings. Since I often hit the ground running due to my obligations to my kids and having to get them off in time, I have found a greater need to regroup. Adhering to a strict and tight schedule can be something to admire, but to fill every moment of every day dedicated to a specific task can wear a body thin.

I have added 15 minutes to my alarm clock in the morning. I find that this is ample amount to be able to sip down a mug of coffee, catch up on some news, emails, or light headlines prior to getting the kids off.

I walk my kids to school in good weather. A little exercise never hurts anyone. On the way home today I had a pleasant conversation with the neighbor dog. It had been a while. It was good to see Scout again.

I also find that my music player is a great way to achieve recess at any given moment. My trips to the grocery, walks in the neighborhood, and other simple tasks take on a more serene feel in the presence of music. There is just something calming when life has a cool soundtrack. I have a tendency to look at things with more of a “cinematic appreciation.” I star in my own movie.

I guess for us adults, we need to find things that allow us to disconnect from the grind and recharge, if only momentarily. We often exclaim that we “do not have the time” for simple diversions, however we often find time for the “Today Show” or the “Bachelorette.” Hours and hours of it. I remember in school as a child, recess was often fifteen minutes long, and was a most treasured fifteen minutes at that. Try to retrieve your precious quarter hour my friends.

As we grow on and grow old, we mustn’t drift from the idea that recess is exclusively for children. Children are just wise enough to expect it as a nourishing part of their day. Of course we may look foolish if we were to run, arms a flailing, screaming, and twirling in circles; but wouldn’t it feel great?

The business man with his tie extended from his next in the centrifuge of a carousel, giggling with eyes closed hoping to not throw up. Maybe using his briefcase as a way to slide down a hill. Perhaps the female executive climbing a tree in her skirt, not concerned with social inappropriateness and brushing her hands off on the front of her readily available blouse. Restyling hair for the afternoon would be simply brushing your bangs out of your face on the way back to the boardroom. Okay maybe not. But it is fun to think about, and creates a comical mental picture.

Remember recess is where we exercise a little, temporarily lay down the routine, thumb our noses at the schedules, and simply “be.” We play, we live.

Simply we must remember to just take a few minutes. This gift we give to ourselves allows us to better give to others. We can start our day with recess. We can fit in some fun, some activity, some exercise; something that recharges and prepares us. We just have to prioritize it.

So twirl on my friends, run with arms in the air, and scream. And before anyone else says it: “Dibs on the swing!”

Tony Anders
Repost from Artisan of the Human Spirit

Just Be

I have spoken many times before in blog format about the frantic pace we lead daily, particularly here in the United States. I'm no different from the majority of people in this regard; I've been working diligently to establish a new branch of my writing services. The lagging economy affected everything about my writing career two years ago and I am still adjusting and laying new foundation blocks. So focused am I that I become my own worst enemy with taking care of myself, not getting enough sleep, not eating correctly and most importantly, not taking time off!


We all know the basic rules - you can't have day without night, hot without cold, light without dark, happy without sad. Subsequently that old axiom of "All work and no play makes Jane a dull girl" truly has merit and weight to it. When I begin to feel smothered in this manner, I know it is time to step back. So, recognizing that certain frustrations have been building within as I'm racing madly down the road to a serious lack of balance, my thoughts turn to the exact opposite of my current daily existence. In a word...FREEDOM.

What does it mean to you? Freedom. The very word conjures up all manner of emotions and mental images, feelings, expectations, hopes, dreams and wishes. Freedom represents my beloved country, the United States of America, with her symbol that of the noble Bald Eagle. I cannot witness one of these beautiful birds in flight without getting a lump in my throat and feeling the sting of tears. Watching these majestic birds wheeling freely across the blue skies seems to speak to something very elemental within most of us. When the word 'freedom' comes to mind, invariably, I mentally conjure up a bald eagle in flight.

Specific to my current frame of mind, freedom represents making a living doing what I love. Not being chained to a dead-end existence in corporate America, as that experience always slowly saps my vitality and energy. I chose to leave that world and pursue my own path with freelance writing. Yes, I am accomplishing that goal in slow and sure steps. Yet there is a niggling sense of frustration and lack that tells me I am getting in my own way. I tend to excel at dancing with this particular nemesis. So, with this recognition comes knowledge that it is time to stop. Simply stop everything and just be.

At times such as these, I always reflect on the few true vacations I've taken. One in particular was a 12 day trip to Hawaii. I went with a group of friends and because of the time zone changes wreaking havoc with my Circadian rhythms, I regularly awakened fairly early. Now, if you know me even slightly, you're aware that I'm not a morning person. Not even close! But during that time in Hawaii, I would wake up before the majority of my room mates, shower, dress and take a walk around the neighborhood where our hotel was located. Across the street was a Catholic church that was always open and I would stop there to sit in the quiet, holy space, listening to the birds singing and just soak in that blissful feeling of freedom we have on vacation.

I loved it - I chose what to do each day and I answered to no one but myself and the group of people I was with. No bosses, no phone calls, nothing but my own personal choices and whims for the day. I can remember being clearly conscious of the delight of that daily existence, feeling the surge of endorphins and pleasure coursing through me that freedom brings. This is what I need to find a way to incorporate in my life now.

Tomorrow will be a day of freedom. At times it is necessary to make a ruthless shift and literally walk away from the world for a moment. Breathing, embracing a certain isolation to purge what was becoming a tangled jumble. Focusing and being what some might deem selfish in order to come back to quiet, come back to balance and reconnect with the pureness of my dreams. An outward, deliberate and physical act of meditation. Recapturing that sense of absolute freedom and pleasure in just being.

Law of Attraction concepts dictate that unless we are feeling joyful, we are out of balance and out of connection with the Source, that which we call God/Universe/Spirit...the names for Divine Energy are numerous. I am feeling that disconnect and it is manifesting as frustration and dissatisfaction. Yet these same unbalanced emotions are tools. I am now at a point in my life and evolution where I am able to identify these potential obstacles much sooner than in the past. I am happy for this awareness, as it allows me to consciously shift and adjust more quickly. It isn't always easy or enjoyable, but it is necessary. It is also not feasible for most of us to live in an eternal vacation mindset. This is not what I am suggesting in this post; I mean more for us to access the pure happiness we experience when on vacation and create an environment that encourages those feelings to manifest daily. I have stumbled with this in my own personal daily experience, so it is time to recalibrate.

This moment in my life is high charged and delicately balanced. Webster's Dictionary defines the word Fulcrum thusly:

1 a : prop; specifically : the support about which a lever turns b : one that supplies capability for action

This is what I feel to be taking place - I am at one of those pivotal points. I can ignore the warning flags and emotions and continue to create more of a tangle in various areas of my life, or I can heed these emotions and be proactive. Obviously I am choosing the latter. This is not to say I am in the midst of crisis or impending doom; to the contrary, life is good. What I am focused on is making it better, and keeping a weather eye on anything that distracts me from embracing happiness and feeling a true sense of satisfaction in my existence.

What will this produce, this moment out of time? I have no idea. The main goal of the whole exercise is to just be. I am promising myself a day of bliss in whatever form that manifests. No contracts will be thought about; looming deadlines will not exist, bills can wait and troublesome connections are relegated to a distant back burner. I am taking a personal holiday and re-establishing the bonds within myself with the dreams I came here to accomplish. The laws of quantum physics and nature dictate that energy given is energy that returns, amplified. My intention is to dwell in an energetic mindset that is positive, happy and open to all that is good. Negative energies and people who get in the way of this objective are stumbling blocks that distract us all from dwelling in perfect accord and balance with our purpose and dreams. The amplified energies that return to me are within my ability to shepherd and guide. This is my own gentle reminder to myself that I chart my own course, and it is healthy and intelligent to choose happiness and freedom.

Oftentimes when I begin to feel bogged down with a lot of junkie energy, I meditate on the mental image of being suspended in the mist that blows down off a waterfall. I imagine that mist floating through my physical and etheric bodies, sweeping clean all dark spots, all smudges of other peoples' energies, dissipating fatigue and disappointments and leaving behind a refreshed person. A cleansed body, mind and spirit. This is such an effective mental meditation that I do it quite often...unless I allow myself to get distracted and caught up in superfluous issues, people and circumstances. Time now, to be. Just be.

I don't know if this will resonate with anyone else. No doubt anyone reading this post will remember a similar moment in their own lives where they had to slam the proverbial brakes on and symbolically leave the planet for a while. I'm off on a journey to reconnect with myself, take silken energetic thread and stitch my joyfulness back into brilliant, fluid fabric that will ripple and shine and as a Dream Catcher would, capture those corresponding energies that match my dreams.

Just be. That's the goal. Those are the instructions. Two simple words that allow a world of experience, releasing of spiritual blocks, and soaring until I feel renewed. Writing about this with clear intentions is already lifting my spirits and I am smiling as I come to a close. Perhaps this blog will nudge you to take a personal moment...a day of freedom for yourself. If so, don't freeze up - don't stress out, as those are contradictions of your goal. Be good to yourself. Be joyful. Be free. Breathe in each individual beautiful moment. Absorb it all. Release the negatives and for this one moment, concentrate completely and magnificently upon YOU. Just....Be.
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If you enjoyed this post and would like to read more, you can find me on Healing Morning blog.

Privacy Policy

I want to grow as a writer. I want to sharpen my skills and write articles that are both though provoking and that widen the horizon of knowledge for those that read my work. I would like to challenge those reading my articles to think outside of the square and to challenge both their personal beliefs and those that are set for them by society.

A lot of what I have written so far for this Blog has been about personal issues and events. I have read many blogs which are similar to mine and read many comments about how they are like hanging out the washing for everyone to see.

Don’t get me wrong, I am certainly happy with what I have written to date and have thoroughly enjoyed reading others articles of the same format. Actually reading such blogs have been very therapeutic in many ways as I have found one of two things happen when reading these laundry blogs. The first thing that normally happens is that you relate to their story and realize that you are in fact not alone in this world and that there are people out there experiencing the same type of issues and frustrations, this normally gives you multiple viewpoints of your existing self issues and helps you work through or understand your own issues. The second thing which I have notice happening is a realization that your own issues and frustrations are not actually that bad compared to others, once again this is very therapeutic and allows you to put your own affairs into perspective.

So, having said that I will still continue to hang out the washing and hope to connect with anybody in Blog land that I can reach ….. BUT ….. I would also love to grow as a person and a writer and challenge my readers in any way I can. I would like to step up on my Soap Box and challenge people to think and debate about topics that are relevant to the day, both for the individual and the communities that we live in.

The first such topic that I would like to get up on my Soap Box about is actually a topic which I was asked to think about not so long ago in a reply to one of my own Blogs that I posted.

The topic at hand is about “ Privacy Policies ” when writing blogs. This question was presented to me by Heather Conroy back in April when I posted a blog on Writers Rising call Sticks and Stones. The blog was essentially about teasing and verbal abuse suffered by both myself growing up and my son today. Heather stated in her comment to my article that she had concerns about how much sensitive material I discuss regarding my son and that she personally didn’t publish such items about her kids but rather left that to them when and if they ever decided to share it with the world. Heather then went on to ask me my opinions on the subject of Blogger’s having Privacy Policies and what they were.

Now I must admit that at the time I was naively taken back by Heathers very valid question which in itself challenged me to look within at my own self value in another blog I posted on The Soap Box Truth called “ Open House ”.

Unfortunately the question was never taken up and a open discussion on the topic never achieved.

I would like to redress that missed opportunity and challenge everyone to share THEIR views and beliefs on this very important subject and question.

We are reminded almost weekly in one forum or another of the need to address personal security on the net and how once information is on the net it is there forever, for anyone who pleases and yet we daily pour our souls out into our Blogs without a second though.

I have been thinking long and hard about Heathers question for the better side of the last month and a half and must admit that it raised alarm bells with me regarding how open I was being with my information. I have been questioning the subject of privacy policies and what mine should be and as a result have the better side of a dozen written blogs that I haven’t published because I am still undecided as to where my line in the sand should be.

So without further ado, I’d like to thank Heather for raising the question at hand and open the floor for discussion.

Please share this blog around and feel free to link back to it so that we all can get a good discussion burning.

Dohi & Thanks for dropping by.

Taking charge in creating your life.

To begin the process of creating what it is you want in your life you must first have a clearly defined vision.

The vision can evolve and be added to as you grow and you may even completely change your vision, and if you continue to evolve in life, your vision of your life will continue to change as you change.

In the example of creating a house, if you decide to build a small house then change your mind after you have started the process to build a larger house, or circumstances in your life dictate a change (for example, you discover you are pregnant and you want to add more space) you will simply add to the vision in a manner that will expand on your original vision.  If, however, you decide midway that you don’t want a house at all but would rather have a houseboat, then you will be stressed, dissatisfied, and stuck with something you don’t want, and that you have to decide what to do with, while you go off in a completely different direction to create the houseboat.

It is challenging enough when life happens and we have to adjust and make changes, which can stress us and cause distraction, or even when we expand our vision as we expand and we make the necessary adjustments along the way. These types of stressors and distractions will nag at us and may make the creation process more challenging but not impossible. But to change directions in such a dramatic fashion as the house to houseboat example, is beyond a simple stressor and distraction, it is a complete break in direction in creating one’s reality.

These types of breaks and changes in the direction of creating reality are sometimes necessary, if they are major life altering events brought about by years of inner development and growth. These types of events will come with inner guidance along with outside support and resources that seem to appear out of nowhere because they are events born of a higher consciousness and able to tap into unlimited ability and resource.

But if one is constantly changing their mind so dramatically and are never able to land on even the simplest of visions for their life, then they will be destined to perpetual chaos, feelings of being out of control, and very often feeling like they are simply victims in life. This is the epitome of someone who refuses to take responsibility for their life. Most people fall somewhere in the middle, but there are ways to become more effective creators in our own lives.

Focus, solid decision making, trust, confidence, and a connection to one’s intuition are all necessary parts of the process of effective creating of one’s life. But good common sense and sensible planning are great areas to start and build on. By using common sense (the stuff grandma taught you, or those principles you learned in kindergarten) organized thinking, and acting from a place of integrity as starting points, you can build your skills in solid decision making, trust, and confidence from your successful results.

One tool to use in the area of focus is visualization. Please visit my blog, The Evolving Spirit, tomorrow for my regular series on presence and contemplation (another exercise which develops focus) and I will have a visualization exercise to share.